7dp5dt

Well, there's really nothing to report at this point! I'm having some symptoms that could definitely be good signs, but I. am. not. going. to. poas.!!!! I have to keep telling myself that over and over! I really want to, but Mr. C. and I talked about it and decided to wait until the beta (which is on Wednesday at 8:15, btw). It's only the day after tomorrow, so I think I can reign in my poas compulsions until then. But then I think, "I could have an answer after a short run to CVS!" Not going to do it.

Here's what happened during our last IVF cycle. Two days before my beta, I poas and it was positive - we were surprised and ecstatic! Same for the day before the beta. Then that night, I started spotting. I freaked out and cried and cried, but the nurse said not to worry...spotting was normal! My beta came back at 21. Pretty low, but the nurse said that there was hope, we just needed it to double in 2 days. So I go back 2 days later and it doubled exactly - 42! We we over the moon, we cried, we called my parents, I bought a pregnancy book. During all this, I was still spotting, but the nurse still said that it was fine, totally normal, etc., unless it turned red or was an AF-like flow. My 2nd beta was on a Thursday, and since it doubled, they didn't want to do another one until the following Tuesday. So...fast forward to Monday. The spotting turned bright red. The spotting became an AF-like flow. I called and demanded a beta a day early. It was 20. It was over. I got home where I immediately found out upon walking in the door that our good friends, the couple who didn't want to have children for 5 more years, had emailed to say they were 14 weeks pregnant. It was one of the worst days of my life. As much as I'd like to forget it, that day will haunt me, probably for the rest of my life.

After that amazing rollercoaster that lifted and dropped us to and from amazing heights, I do not ever want to repeat it. On Wednesday, I want a positive or negative. If the number is 50 or above, I'll breathe a sigh of relief. If it's over 100, I'll be ecstatic! Of course, then we have to worry about it doubling. But, I have hung my hopes on the number we'll get Wednesday. I've imagined a hundred times what that phone call will be like. I've prayed over and over every day that Wednesday will be a good day. Please, please, let it be.