Monday, July 21, 2008


Well, there's really nothing to report at this point! I'm having some symptoms that could definitely be good signs, but I. am. not. going. to. poas.!!!! I have to keep telling myself that over and over! I really want to, but Mr. C. and I talked about it and decided to wait until the beta (which is on Wednesday at 8:15, btw). It's only the day after tomorrow, so I think I can reign in my poas compulsions until then. But then I think, "I could have an answer after a short run to CVS!" Not going to do it.

Here's what happened during our last IVF cycle. Two days before my beta, I poas and it was positive - we were surprised and ecstatic! Same for the day before the beta. Then that night, I started spotting. I freaked out and cried and cried, but the nurse said not to worry...spotting was normal! My beta came back at 21. Pretty low, but the nurse said that there was hope, we just needed it to double in 2 days. So I go back 2 days later and it doubled exactly - 42! We we over the moon, we cried, we called my parents, I bought a pregnancy book. During all this, I was still spotting, but the nurse still said that it was fine, totally normal, etc., unless it turned red or was an AF-like flow. My 2nd beta was on a Thursday, and since it doubled, they didn't want to do another one until the following Tuesday. forward to Monday. The spotting turned bright red. The spotting became an AF-like flow. I called and demanded a beta a day early. It was 20. It was over. I got home where I immediately found out upon walking in the door that our good friends, the couple who didn't want to have children for 5 more years, had emailed to say they were 14 weeks pregnant. It was one of the worst days of my life. As much as I'd like to forget it, that day will haunt me, probably for the rest of my life.

After that amazing rollercoaster that lifted and dropped us to and from amazing heights, I do not ever want to repeat it. On Wednesday, I want a positive or negative. If the number is 50 or above, I'll breathe a sigh of relief. If it's over 100, I'll be ecstatic! Of course, then we have to worry about it doubling. But, I have hung my hopes on the number we'll get Wednesday. I've imagined a hundred times what that phone call will be like. I've prayed over and over every day that Wednesday will be a good day. Please, please, let it be.


Zilabeth said...


Here is to a high beta on Wednesday - and no more roller coaster rides! I'm wishing for you!

Amber said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. You and I have opposite feelings about PAOS. I pee until the trigger goes away and then pee some more. It's unfortunate (understatement) that we both know all too well that a + pee stick does not = baby.

Good luck Wednesday!

Kahla said...

I pray that your BETA on Wednesday brings nothing but wonderful news your way! I'm the same as you about those nasty HPTs, no thanks this time around! Wishing nothing but the best for you!!!

JenM said...

I hope you have a great beta on Wednesday! Stay away from the stick - I understand the compulsion, but it is just too stressful to get positives or negatives on those things.

Anonymous said...

I'm pee stick obsessed, but I totally get what your sayin. It's good to get the whole story and avoid the rollercoaster if possible.

Hoping for good news!

Ashley said...


dana said...

Many prayers for your beta on Wednesday!!!

Wishing for the best!

poppy.f.seed said...

I think it is smart to wait (after my own ivf poas ups and downs)

good luck, the spontaneous O is a very hopeful sign!

sarah said...

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully this beta will be very high and leave no room for doubt!

Anonymous said...

I am totally with you on the positive or negative result this time! NO in-between, kinda-sorta pg thing! Been there, done that. NOT knowing was the worst part. The week of low beta then negative result was also one of the worst weeks of my life, so I sympathize with you.
What "symptoms" are you having right now? Any AF-like feelings (which can be a good thing!)? I start stims today and am nervous, excited, and hopeful. I hope my cycle goes as perfectly as yours did!
I am praying for you for a +++ beta tomorrow. Keep up your spirits and your positive attitude. Less than 24 hours to go!