So I haven't posted lately because I've been SO down in the dumps. We're talking daily sob fests. I don't remember it being this awful last time! I'm still only on L.upron! Why do I feel like I belong in a psych ward? I finally broke down and called my ivf coordinator to ask her what the deal was. She made me feel SO much better! She said that since I didn't take bcps this time, I don't have enough estrogen to balance out my emotions. She said it is totally normal to feel really down and that as soon as I start F.ollistim, it will be better. Well, at least I'm not losing it!
I also went this morning for my suppression check bloodwork and ultrasound. Everything looks quiet and good and I'm ready to start stimming. Yay! The nurse asked how I was feeling about this cycle and if it was easier having been through it before and knowing what to expect this time. I feel very hopefully about this time, but going through it before doesn't neccessarily make it better. It makes it worse in many ways. It's nice to know what to expect as far as the shots and monitoring go, but it's scary to know about how bad my body will feel at times, that I might get O.HSS again, how terrifying the emotions can get, etc. I guess I just can't focus on the scary parts. I know that I have done this before and I did get through it. I faced a worst-case scenario and I lived to tell the tale. This time can only be better, right? (PLEASE say right!!!)
I'm excited and hopefully and ready to get this party started!
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2 comments:
Hey, you and I are in the same boat! We both had low betas in April, only to find out we weren't pg. I am looking at the first IVF cycle (when I'm in my "happy place") as a good sign. We had good cycles, with most going according to plan, but for some reason, the little embryos didn't stick. Hopefully, they will this time!
Yes, I am very much looking forward to starting stims on July 22, but I also very much remember the emotional highs and lows, being excited that this could work one minute, and then totally down in the dumps and depressed the next. Do your best to keep a positive attitude! I think meditation was such a HUGE help the first time- I bought this meditation CD (online, so you get it right away- you can download it) from anjionline.com, and it takes you through the 4 "stages" of IVF treatment. Check it out. It makes you focus on relaxation and breathing and imagery. I'm serious- it is such a help mentally (and physically). Good luck and keep us posted on how you feel. Keep yourself occupied with things you enjoy- I'm making my list NOW of things to do to keep my spirits up!!!!!
Your right! Things aren't going to be any easier, but knowing is half the battle. When I start my next cyle next month I know I'll be more at ease.
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