Baby Time!

My friend had her baby! (This is the friend we had a baby shower for a few weeks ago.) She had the baby yesterday. It is a boy named Landon. He is beautiful. We visited her in the hospital today and got to hold him. He is perfect and tiny and smells good. This is a terrible photo of us, but as you've probably noticed, I love to document with pictures! (Notice Mr. C's self proclaimed "fake smile" and my "I'm doped up on fertility drugs" expression.)

Our 5th Anniversary!

Today is a milestone - 5 years of marriage! That seems like a long time and at the same time seems so short. We have been through A LOT in the last 5 years and it has made us stronger. We got married at the beautiful garden at Richmond Hill Inn in Asheville, NC. We are going to Charleston today to stay at Middleton Place Plantation for the weekend. (I hope they have a fridge in the room to store all my meds!) Here are some photos from 5 years ago today. We look so much younger!

Happy Birthday to Mr. C!

Today is my sweet husband's birthday. He's 33! Such an old man. We went out to this amazing Thai bistro down the street. Yum! We had fried bananas for dessert. I also had birthday cake at home but as soon as we got here, Mr. C. went to lie down and rest his eyes and now he's fast asleep! He's missing our favorite show (So You Think You Can Dance, of course!) so I KNOW he's tired!

L.upron - BCPs = Yuck

So I haven't posted lately because I've been SO down in the dumps. We're talking daily sob fests. I don't remember it being this awful last time! I'm still only on L.upron! Why do I feel like I belong in a psych ward? I finally broke down and called my ivf coordinator to ask her what the deal was. She made me feel SO much better! She said that since I didn't take bcps this time, I don't have enough estrogen to balance out my emotions. She said it is totally normal to feel really down and that as soon as I start F.ollistim, it will be better. Well, at least I'm not losing it!

I also went this morning for my suppression check bloodwork and ultrasound. Everything looks quiet and good and I'm ready to start stimming. Yay! The nurse asked how I was feeling about this cycle and if it was easier having been through it before and knowing what to expect this time. I feel very hopefully about this time, but going through it before doesn't neccessarily make it better. It makes it worse in many ways. It's nice to know what to expect as far as the shots and monitoring go, but it's scary to know about how bad my body will feel at times, that I might get O.HSS again, how terrifying the emotions can get, etc. I guess I just can't focus on the scary parts. I know that I have done this before and I did get through it. I faced a worst-case scenario and I lived to tell the tale. This time can only be better, right? (PLEASE say right!!!)

I'm excited and hopefully and ready to get this party started!

BLOB

Yesterday I was telling a lady I work with that I have a blog. She referred to it twice more in our conversation and each time she called it a "BLOB"!!!!! I was biting the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing. It was SO funny!

10 Things No One Tells You About IVF

10. The process of IVF is a roller coaster with more scream-worthy ups and downs than you ever thought possible!

9. You will look like a druggie with all the bruises and pokes you will aquire (on your upper arms, crook of your arms, stomach, etc.)!

8. You actually get used to daily visits with the dildocam.

7. You really CAN give yourself multiple shots without fainting.

6. OHSS is real and it's uncool.

5. The 2ww must be what hell is actually like.

4. A positive beta must be what heaven is actually like.

3. You can love something that only consists of 8 cells.

2. You are a stronger person that you thought you were.

1. Hope is NOT a 4 letter word.

The Hostess With the Mostest

Well, I accomplished something this weekend that I never thought I would be able to do. My husband and I hosted a baby shower at our house!!! When my husband first brought up that we have a shower for one of my best friends, I lost it and got so angry at him for not understanding how hard that would be for me. I told him that I wasn't even going to attend her baby shower, much less host one! Not that I didn't love her or wish her well, I just knew I couldn't handle it emotionally. Then a couple of months later, my mom suggested we host the shower. Again, I totally lost it and was crying and freaking out and was so angry at everyone for having no clue what it felt like to be me. But then I started thinking.

This is one of my closest friends and she deserves a party! It was time for me to put my feelings on the back burner and be a good friend. This girl is someone who called me every single day during my IVF cycle, starting with the day I began F.ollistem and going all the way through the 2ww. She called to check on me every day! She hosted a wedding shower for me when she wasn't yet married and I knew she wanted to be more than anything. Unfortunately, we've been trying to get pregnant since before she even started dating her husband (!) and that always gets to me.

Anyway, I decided to put all my feelings aside and do this thing! It was a cookout for couples at our house. I decided to look at it more as a big dinner party and less like a baby shower. It was a book shower, so everyone brought their favorite children's book. I made homemade bookmarks for favors and a book for the guests to write their advice in. It turned out to be a huge success and I actually had FUN! We didn't play any dumb shower games and since the gifts were books, we weren't overrun with lots of baby garb in our living room. I think that made it easier to deal with. Some other friends brought their 8 week old and I was okay with that, too.

I'm proud of myself. I'm so happy I did this for my friend. I'm so glad she's my friend. Yay!

Holding a friend's baby...

The bookmark favors and advice book I made:

Shooting Up Starts Today!

Well, today is the day that I feel like we officially jump back on the roller coaster. I started my L.upron injections this morning. My husband left note by my needles that said, "Go ahead, make my day...shoot 'em up!" I can't believe it's starting again! Hopefully I won't get as many icky headaches on L.upron as I did last time. I didn't take BCPs this time, so maybe that will make a difference. I've chronicled my first injection and all my meds in these photos...beware - it's not pretty!

My Sweet Dogs

I've got the best dogs in the whole world! The Black Lab is named H.ershey (short for H.ershey K.isses because she loves to kiss!) and the brown dog's name is D.unkin (short for D.unkin D.onuts). He's a Pit Bull/ St. Bernard mix...we think. They are both the sweetest, most well behaved dogs EVER! I inherited these two when I married my husband, which was great - like getting 3 for the price of 1! He totally trained them and they obey him even when he spells commands instead of says them!

Even though I know it's not the same, seeing the attention he gives them and the way he spoils them but yet expects great behavior, makes me know that he will be a great dad. We in no way compare our dogs to children but seeing how he takes care of something that relies totally on him and loves him unconditionally is a good litmus test for fatherhood, I think. Now, as long as he doesn't whistle to call our child....!

More photos of my pups:

Box of Hope

My big 'ole box of meds for this IVF cycle came this morning. I didn't think I'd be excited to see it, but my husband said I looked like it was Christmas! I started thinking about that and thought, "Wow, I sure would be depressed if my Christmas present was a big box of needles and medicines that all had to go in MY body!" Then I thought some more and decided that this box could, in fact, hold the biggest gift I've ever received in my life - a baby. It's a box full of hope.

Beaufort, SC

Last weekend my mom and I went on a girls' weekend to Beaufort. In addition to great shopping, Beaufort is BEAUTIFUL! We took an amazing horse carriage ride and saw so many historic sites, places where movies had been filmed, and gorgeous antibellum homes. Here are some photos!

The ruins of Sheldon Church, burned during the Civil War

A church where the gravestones were used as operating tables during the Civil War

The lighthouse on Hunting Island

Looking up at all the stairs we had to climb to get to the top of the lighthouse!

School's Out...For the Summer

Another school year finished! I stopped teaching kindergarten full time 2 years ago and moved on to working for a state non-profit agency that promotes school readiness for low income children. Luckily my job is so flexible now that even though I am working full time there, I am still able to teach theater part time at a local elementary school.

So Friday we had our end of the year plays. My 4th and 5th grade students performed The Little Red Hen and The Emperor's New Clothes. The plays were a huge success! I was so proud of my students! Everyone remembered their lines and entrances, no one got overly nervous, and they remembered all their blocking. I love peeking into the audience from backstage when my students are performing and seeing the look on the teachers', students', and parents' faces. When they are smiling and laughing, I know it has all paid off! It's nice to have completed another year (my 2nd teaching drama and my 9th total - WOW).

The best thing about teaching at this school is the support the faculty shows each other. It is a Catholic school (I'm not Catholic, though) and they have Mass every Friday. When we were going through the first IVF in April, the principal knew and she had the entire school pray for me on the day of my ET. (They didn't know the specifics, just that I needed special prayers.) When I read an email telling me about it later that day, I just cried and cried because it meant so much to me. I've working in several schools that were the opposite of supportive, so this school is a refreshing change for me!