Beta #2

Well, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My beta more than doubled, going from 35 on Thursday to 75 today. I'm neither happy, nor sad...just neutral. I guess it can go either way at this point. I would certainly love a miracle, but I just don't have the energy to get my hopes up. I've been here twice before, with a doubling beta, and things have not ended well. I don't want to seem negative, but I have to guard my heart. Thank you all so much for all your encouraging comments...they mean so much to me and Mr. C. My next beta will be Friday, September 4th, so I have another week to wait. I'll keep you posted!

Beta In

Well, it's not good news. My beta is at 35. I know there have been lots of success stories with low betas, but with my history, it is most likely not going to be viable. I've had 3 former ivfs, 2 with higher first betas than this and they've all been a c/p or miscarriage. We will test again on Saturday. I'm very very sad and coming to terms with being at the end of my IF journey. Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers.

Fun Fotos

Nothing new to report. My beta is on Thursday...I will not POAS before then, so it will be a surprise when I get the call. I'm just feeling crampy and tired. Same as every time before. Plus, my upper back is KILLING me. That's happened every time, too, but not as severe as it is this time. Maybe a good sign?

Here are some photos to entertain you today!

Our embryos. The top two are the 4AA blastocysts and the smaller one is the 3BB that didn't make it.


My file at our RE's office. It's about 4 inches thick! So sad.


A very dorky pic of me suiting up for transfer.

ET went well!

We transferred two grade 4AA blastocysts yesterday. It took a little longer to get the catheter into my uterus because my ovaries are so big (they are "kissing") that they are pushing my uterus straight up and down. Usually the dr. wants a full bladder so it pushes the uterus down horizontally. Even with a full bladder, my ovaries were pushing back so hard that my uterus was completely vertical! Despite that, everything went well and I'm now chillaxin' on bedrest!

In not so good news, we got a call from the embryologist this morning telling us that none of the other embryos made it to freeze. They all arrested yesterday/last night. So, that's good and bad. Good in that it means we truly are finished with IVF. There will be no frozen embryos to tempt us to try again if this cycle doesn't work. Bad because if this cycle DOES work, we were hoping to have some frozen to use for a sibling in the future. Also, of course we now wonder if the embryos they transferred yesterday are going to stop growing like the rest of the cohort did. I'm going to think positively, though, and hope that they are implanting right now!

And then there were 5

The embryologist called this morning to let us know that we are being pushed to a day 5 transfer. Yay! Unfortunately, we only have 5 good embryos (8 celled) at this point. He said that the rest are only 4 or 6 celled with fragmentation. SO, hopefully at least one of the five will continue to do well and be our baby!

Our transfer will be on Tuesday at noon. Mr. C. and I are having a dilemma over how many embryos to transfer. We're considering transferring 3 this time instead of 2. Given our history, we think it may be a good idea. BUT, I would physically not be able to handle triplets if they all stuck. I'm 5'1" and a little over 100 lbs, so I don't think my body could accommodate 3! The RE and embryologist have been discussing it and we'll make a final decision on Tuesday. The problem is, the embryos we transfer always are graded 4AA, the highest grade, but then end up not turning into a baby. But the RE will probably still not want to transfer 3 if they are all of the highest quality. We'll see what happens. I'd love to hear you opinions.

ER and Fertilization Report

I survived ER! They got 24 eggs! The embryologist called this morning and told us that we have 13 embryos going strong. 7 eggs were immature and 4 did not fertilize. I'm happy with 13, though. Hopefully one (or more) of those will be winners. I'm feeling yucky, but hanging in there. I mainly feel like I have really bad indigestion and it's hard to take a deep breath. I think that's because my ovaries are so enlarged and are pushing on my diaphragm. I'm taking it easy, lying around in bed and reading Pat Conroy's new book. My day 3 transfer is scheduled for 10:30 on Sunday. They'll call me that morning if I'm pushed to a day 5 transfer (fingers crossed). Thanks for all the well wishes!

Triggering Tonight and My 100th Post!

It's my 100th post! I can't believe I've been writing this blog for over a year. Thank you all for continuing to read and support me on my journey.

Mr. C. and I went to Charleston this morning for my ultrasound and b/w. The nurse just called and told me my E2 is at 5000 and I'm ready to trigger tonight at 9:45pm! ER will be Thursday at 8:45am. Yikes! I've got 31 eggs that are >15mm. I feel like crap, just like yesterday, but worse. Although, a special delivery at my door earlier made my day! THANK YOU Heather, Craig, and Patrick for my beautiful surprise flowers! I now have a gorgeous bouquet of daisies and yellow roses (my favs) to look at and cheer me up when I'm feeling yucky.

Another new development is that starting after the ER, I will be taking D.ocinex, a pill that is supposed to make E2 levels decrease and therefore help with the risk of OHSS. I've never done that before, but it sounds good. Anyone tried it? I'm also trying to come up with new ways to drink my whey powder. Mixing it with gatorade is NOT working. It's DISGUSTING!!! I'm going to try making a strawberry smoothie tonight. I'm just thinking of myself as Little Miss Muffet, sitting on a tuffet, eating my curds and whey.

Follicles and Estrogen and Ultrasounds, Oh My! (aka Day 11)

So, after Friday's worries about my follicles growing slowly, I guess they decided to become overachievers. I had an ultrasound yesterday in Charleston and I have about 30 that are around 15-17 mm. My coordinator says I'll most likely be triggering tomorrow night. I started G.anerelix and S.aizen last night and I feel so drugged. My legs feel like jello and I feel like I could pass out at any moment. I'm at work but I'm no good for much.

Today's E2 count - 3500. Yikes! I'm drinking protein/gatorade drinks (disgusting) and getting anti-OHSS treatments at acupuncture. Hopefully that will be enough to ward off the evil hyperstimulation that I am so terrified of.

I had quite a bad u/s experience this morning. I went to the satelite office here in town where I go for monitoring. (It's another RE's office *let's call him Dr. M.* but they let my RE's patients go there for bloodwork and ultrasounds and a dr. from my RE's office is there once a week.) Anyway, a new nurse and Dr. M. came in this morning to do my ultrasound. They were complete bumbling idiots. Neither one knew what they were doing. My u/s took 30 minutes and the measurements were totally off from yesterday (so says my ivf coordinator). It was ridiculous. So now, we have to drive 2 hours to Charleston AGAIN tomorrow for another u/s! Then back to Charleston on Thursday for ER and then again for ET. Not that I don't love Chas, but SHEESH! Mr. C. and I are so frustrated with this process. Oh, well. At least I am being closely monitored! I'm hanging in there for now. Oops, it's past time for one of my meds. I'm off to shoot up.....

Day 8 of Stims Update

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. It gives me so much positive energy to know that I have so many cheerleaders out there!

I've now made it to day 8! Here's what I have to show for it so far:

Day 4 - E2 is 106
Day 6 - E2 is 506
Day 8 - E2 is 1,444

So far I have no follicles over 12mm. This has never happened before; usually they grow quickly and uniformly. Now they are slow and I have no standouts. I have almost 30 follicles, they are just not up to where they usually are at this point. My RE doesn't seem worried. He's actually decreasing my F.ollistem for the next 2 nights. He just thinks they need longer than usual to grow. This is the first time we've done the antagonist protocol, so maybe that's what's making the difference. My estrogen is going up very quickly, which always freaks me out. Apparently, once I start the antagon injections, that will help to keep my E2 down. I'll also start the growth hormone S.aizen injections when we get some bigger follicles. So, I guess we're looking at an ER on maybe Wednesday or Thursday at the soonest. We'll know more after Sunday's u/s and bloodwork. I'll keep you posted!

It Has Begun!

So we're off and running on this 4th IVF attempt. I began stims on Friday after an ultrasound showing 20 resting follicles. I'm on 225 IUs of F.ollistem and 10 IUs of low dose hcg. In a few days I'll begin G.anerelix and S.aizen (growth hormone). I went for my Day 4 bloodwork today and will find out this afternoon if everything is on track so far.

I am feeling so differently about this cycle. I'm not excited, I'm just sort of going through the motions. I guess that's not good, but I just can't handle getting my hopes up. I'm trying to stay calm and not think about it. This will be our last IVF, and I'm more excited about it being over than anything else. I'm ready for this journey to end. After more than 4 years, it's time to move on. If this cycle doesn't work, it will be on to adoption. I'm so, so tired. I'm just ready to be a mother and ready to get on with my life. I do want to give it this one last shot (no pun intended!) though. I have to be able say that I did everything I could to try to have a biological child. Please say a prayer for us and I'll keep you updated and the process continues!