Monday, June 1, 2009

Another Visit with Patrick

Last weekend we traveled to Colorado to visit my cousin Heather, her husband Craig, and their son Patrick (our godson). Heather's brother Rocky also flew in from Washington. We had an AMAZING time together. It was so nice to connect with family and to spend quality time with Patrick. He's 11 months old now and is so much fun! He's a very happy boy and his personality is delightful. Every morning, Mr. C. took Patrick on a hike in the backpack. Heather and Craig are so laid back and let us have lots of alone time to take P on strolls, to the bookstore, to the playground, etc. Mr. C. is amazing with Patrick. He is going to be an wonderful father. I hope he gets that chance soon.

We went to Estes Park (where I worked at the YMCA of the Rockies one summer), to Boulder (where Craig and Mr. C. ran the Bolder Boulder 10K) and spent time tooling around Denver. When it was time to go, we were both beside ourselves and Mr. C. shed more than a few tears. We are so blessed to have Patrick as our godson and to have Heather, Craig, and Rocky as part of our family. Now we're back and we can't stop looking at all the photos! Here are a few for you to enjoy:



















Friday, May 15, 2009

Update - We have a plan!!!

I FINALLY had my follow-up appointment with the RE yesterday after my FET c/p in March and my RPL panel bloodwork. I am so impressed with my RE. There is a reason that he's one of the best! He had spent a long time reviewing our chart and previous history and had a plan ready for us.

He first went over our RPL results. Everything came back normal EXCEPT that I have heterozygous Factor V Leiden. It's a blood clotting issue that means my blood is more prone to forming clots. He says that he does NOT think it has anything to do with our three loses, though. Apparently it's a big debate in the IF world because 10% of the population have Factor V, but only .5-1% of people have repeat pregnancy loss, so it may or may not be related. He said that our treatment options are taking aspirin or H.eparin injections. He discourages H.eparin, though, because the risks outweigh the gains.

His main conclusion is that our problems are a result of poor egg quality. With an FSH of 11.4, I'm above normal, which could indicate egg quality issues. His goal with our next IVF will be to try and improve egg quality by using "softer" stimulation and by adding growth hormone, which recent studies have shown to improve quality. He is also swiching L.upron to GnRH antagonist which won't give me such extreme headaches. We're hoping to get fewer eggs of better quality. In the past, they've retrieved 23 eggs each time but only about 14 have been mature and 9 fertilized (both cycles were pretty similar), although in the first cycle, my embryos after day 3 had poor quality and poor morphology. So, if we can have fewer eggs that are better quality and more able to fertilize, plus take aspirin for the Factor V, then maybe this is a recipe that will work!

Mr. C and have had our hope restored a bit after hearing what our RE had to say. We're ready to move along with this next cycle (probably in July). Mr. C. is feeling positive and supports this new plan, so that makes me feel so good!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Angel Exchange


Today is a difficult day for a lot of us. I can't help but have the thought creep in from the back of my mind that I've had two due dates come and go in the last year and I should be celebrating my motherhood today. BUT, I'm choosing not to dwell on my own situation, but instead focus on celebrating the amazing mother that I have been blessed with.

Speaking of amazing women, I am part of a group of strong, supportive ladies on the Trouble Trying to Conceive board on The Bump. They continually provide information, support, and cheerleading to anyone who is struggling with IF and I have found such comfort in their words. One of the ladies (Tarah) had a wonderful idea to make us all feel better on Mother's Day and organized an Angel Exchange. We drew names on Elfster and bought our secret pal a Willow Tree angel to open today.

I received two beautiful angels from Manda; Thinking of You and Angel of Wishes. They are beautiful and made this a happy day worthy of celebration. THANK YOU Manda!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Today is My Due Date - April Fool's

Our son should have been born today. I guess the April Fool's joke is on me.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

RPL Panel Results

I just got the call from our nurse. All the tests came back with normal results. I am so upset. I guess I should be thankful that there is nothing wrong, but obviously, SOMETHING is not right with my body. I don't understand how we can go through every test in the book over the last 4 years and have normal results every single time. It can't have been a "fluke" that I've had 3 losses and that I can't get pregnant without IVF.

Maybe I should be looking at this in a more positive light and be thankful that I am healthy. Maybe it should give me more hope, knowing that our tests are normal. I just feel like we're left with so many more questions than answers.

We're meeting with the RE on April 22 (his first available appointment!) and we'll decide on our next steps. I just don't know where to go from here...I'm willing to try one more fresh cycle, but if it ends in another loss; that's it, I can't take anymore. I just feel beaten down.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Our Godson Patrick!

Yes, I am alive! I've been a terrible blogger. I just needed a break from the IF scene and time to deal with everything. Thank you all so much for all your kind comments. It meant so much that all of you were thinking of us and giving us support. Mr. C and I had our blood drawn for the RPL (Repeat Pregnancy Loss) panel a couple of weeks ago and we are waiting for the results to come back before we move forward with another fresh cycle. I actually really hope they find something, even if it's bad. At least that would give us closure. I'll keep you posted.

In much happier and more exciting news, we finally got to meet our godson Patrick last weekend! (Check out his blog post about our visit!) His parents Heather (my first cousin) and Craig flew to the East coast from Colorado, along with Heather's dad (my uncle) from Washington. We all met at my parents' house in NC. Our grandmother also got to meet her great grandson for the first time. It was a wonderful family reunion and we had a blast! It was so wonderful for me to be with Patrick and to feel the joy of being around a baby. He was just the remedy for my sadness. Here are lots of photos from our time together.

Sweet Patrick.


Me holding Patrick.


Mr. C. and Patrick.


The cousins! Mr. C., me, Craig, and Heather.


The cutest smile ever!


The godparents.


Mr. C. posing with our furbabies.


A family photo in my parents' yard.

Monday, March 2, 2009

The third time is NOT a charm

It's over. Another chemical pregnancy. My beta came back at 42 today. I'm stopping all meds and waiting for AF. I don't know if I can go through this again. Three losses are three too many. I'm in shock right now; not really feeling much of anything but silent dispair. I can't even cry.