Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Update

Yesterday we went back to the doctor for another ultrasound (no change from last week) and to discuss my options. The RE gave me 3 options: 1. Expectant therapy, which means we wait for a natural miscarriage to occur. 2. A D&C, which is surgery to dilate and vacuum out the uterus. 3. A shot that causes cramping and expells what is in the uterus. None of these sound particulary appealing, but I had already decided that I wanted to wait and have it happen naturally. My body has been through enough lately and there is no way I want to have surgery or another injection that has yucky side effects. We are monitoring my hcg levels weekly and hopefully when they get back down to zero, my body will realize it's not pregnant and take care of things naturally. If that doesn't happen, then we'll revisit the D&C option.

I guess I am still in shock. I am not crying as much or nearly as upset as I was after our 1st IVF. I am just very, very bitter. I don't want to try again for a long time. I'm not giving up, but I need a break. Mentally and physically. I need to step away from all this crap and feel like a normal person for a little while. We'll use our frozen embryos eventually, but definitely not in 2008. Again, thank you to all of you for your kind words and support. It means so much to me and really gives me strength.

2 comments:

Amber said...

Kelly, Again, I'm so sorry.

I went the natural m/c route as well. It took a long time for it to happen on it's own but I'm glad I waited for some of the same reasons as you. I also took the time to grieve with my little embryo. I told him how much I wanted him, missed him, loved him. Might sound crazy but I loved him and needed that time to still be "pregnant". I wasn't ready to not be pregnant anymore. After about 4 weeks of waiting I was fully emotionally prepared for the m/c. It felt like the logical and natural conclusion. My body, my baby, and I were ready to let go.

In addition to watching your HCG ask them for progesterone tests as well. The thing that triggers the m/c is the drop in progesterone (same as will AF). Once it gets around 5-8 or so you know it will happen soon. That helped me know how long of a wait I was in for. You wont know to the day but at least you have some idea of when. After two weeks my progesterone was still 30. I knew the m/c was still at least a week away so I wasn't on pins and needles every day for a month.

Take care and feel free to ask me any questions you have. I remember wanting to know the experiences of other women so I knew what I might expect.

Jewel who comments on my blog just went through a natural m/c and did a very detailed job at documenting the process (physically and emotionally) Might be worth checking out.

Cathleen said...

Why do we have to make choices like that? You are still in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope that time helps your body and heart heal.