Today is My Due Date - April Fool's

Our son should have been born today. I guess the April Fool's joke is on me.

RPL Panel Results

I just got the call from our nurse. All the tests came back with normal results. I am so upset. I guess I should be thankful that there is nothing wrong, but obviously, SOMETHING is not right with my body. I don't understand how we can go through every test in the book over the last 4 years and have normal results every single time. It can't have been a "fluke" that I've had 3 losses and that I can't get pregnant without IVF.

Maybe I should be looking at this in a more positive light and be thankful that I am healthy. Maybe it should give me more hope, knowing that our tests are normal. I just feel like we're left with so many more questions than answers.

We're meeting with the RE on April 22 (his first available appointment!) and we'll decide on our next steps. I just don't know where to go from here...I'm willing to try one more fresh cycle, but if it ends in another loss; that's it, I can't take anymore. I just feel beaten down.

Our Godson Patrick!

Yes, I am alive! I've been a terrible blogger. I just needed a break from the IF scene and time to deal with everything. Thank you all so much for all your kind comments. It meant so much that all of you were thinking of us and giving us support. Mr. C and I had our blood drawn for the RPL (Repeat Pregnancy Loss) panel a couple of weeks ago and we are waiting for the results to come back before we move forward with another fresh cycle. I actually really hope they find something, even if it's bad. At least that would give us closure. I'll keep you posted.

In much happier and more exciting news, we finally got to meet our godson Patrick last weekend! (Check out his blog post about our visit!) His parents Heather (my first cousin) and Craig flew to the East coast from Colorado, along with Heather's dad (my uncle) from Washington. We all met at my parents' house in NC. Our grandmother also got to meet her great grandson for the first time. It was a wonderful family reunion and we had a blast! It was so wonderful for me to be with Patrick and to feel the joy of being around a baby. He was just the remedy for my sadness. Here are lots of photos from our time together.

Sweet Patrick.


Me holding Patrick.


Mr. C. and Patrick.


The cousins! Mr. C., me, Craig, and Heather.


The cutest smile ever!


The godparents.


Mr. C. posing with our furbabies.


A family photo in my parents' yard.

The third time is NOT a charm

It's over. Another chemical pregnancy. My beta came back at 42 today. I'm stopping all meds and waiting for AF. I don't know if I can go through this again. Three losses are three too many. I'm in shock right now; not really feeling much of anything but silent dispair. I can't even cry.

Beta #1

So it's 67. Not spectacular, but my dr. wants it to be at least 50, so I'll take it! Of course I was looking for a number that would hit it out of the park, but this one is higher than my last two IVFs, so I hope that means it's gonna stick! The nurse was excited when she called me and said that this was a "great first number". I am going to think positively and believe what she says. I go in Monday at 8:15 for Beta #2. Please pray for good doubling numbers!!!

I am feelin' the love!

Wow! You all have overwhelmed me with your generous outpouring of support! I've said it many times before, but it makes me feel SO good to know that you all are out there thinking of me and celebrating with me! THANK YOU!

I hope we get good news tomorrow. My beta is at 8am. Since we've been here twice before, I'm terrified we'll have a repeat. I'm hoping, praying, begging, that this is it for us. PLEASE GOD, let it be.

Ummm, I think it worked.

This happened yesterday. 'Nuf said.