The Yellow Room

Love Bug

2011-02-14T21:51:00.005-05:00

The Love Bug says, "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!"

Today was Lily's 9 month well checkup and she's doing great! She weighs 21 lbs, 4 oz. (85th %) and is 30.5 in. long (99th %). She is eating up a storm and we haven't come across a single thing that she doesn't like to eat. She loves feeding herself and always wants to try whatever we are eating. The doctor told us to ditch the baby food and just give her cut up pieces of veggies, grilled cheese sandwiches, meat, bread, etc...the sky's the limit! She's going to be SO excited!

Lily's personality is continuing to develop and she is so much fun to be around. She giggles all the time and is into everything. She is SO close to crawling and every day we think is going to be the day that it happens. She gets around by rolling or scooting backwards but now she can go from sitting up to crawling position or lying down really easily, so she's pretty mobile.

She's outgrown her infant carrier so last weekend we bought a Britax convertible car seat and now she seems much more comfortable. It was a lot easier to get her in and out in the snugride, but at least now my back is not breaking from carrying that thing around.

Another thing that Lily loves is the water. Mr. C gives her a bath every night and she goes "swimming" (lying back in the water with her ears under). She splashes and plays and has a great time. She just moved into the big bathtub from her little plastic tub.

I can't believe that the outside world has known my baby as long as I knew her on the inside. Time is flying and I'm trying to savor each wonderful moment.

Snow Days!

2011-01-12T15:18:00.008-05:00

It's been snowing in South Carolina! We hardly ever get snow, and when we do, the whole town shuts down! It's day three of "Snowmegeddon 2011" and school is still out, even though the roads are clear and the snow is starting to melt. It was so much fun to wake up on Monday morning to a white wonderland with huge flakes coming down. Mr. C built a fire and worked in the living room all day so we could all be together in front of the fireplace. We took Lily outside to play in her snowsuit and she looked so cute!

Actually, it isn't the first time it's snowed this winter. It snowed the day after Christmas, but only a little, and it melted almost as soon as it stopped coming down. It was fun to take Lily out in her first snow that day, though. Of course we had to capture the day in pictures!

Look, Mommy...snow!

"Sledding" on the cooler lid.

Ummmm, snow doesn't taste as good as I thought it would!

In other news, today is Lily's 8 month birthday! I can't believe time is going so quickly. I bought a book called If I Could Keep You Little at the bookstore today...it is so sweet and is written from the point of view of a mother telling her baby how she wants to keep her little and do all the fun baby activities with her but then she would miss out on her becoming independent and choosing her own friends and becoming her own person. I can't describe it, but it is so sweet and poignant and I cried when I read it in Barnes and Noble. The author is Marianne Richmond if you want to check it out.

Lily now has two teeth and is starting to eat puffs! She also can clap her hands. (Soon I'll post a video of her clapping.) She weighs almost 21 lbs. and is wearing some 9 month clothes and some 12 month. Yikes! Stay tuned for more updates...I'm going to make it my New Year's goal to post at least once a week. We'll see how that goes!

What a difference a year makes.

2010-12-28T10:59:00.002-05:00

Remember the left photo from this post last year? We took the same one this year, except this year, Lily is on the outside! Here is what Lily was up to at this time last year:

21 weeks gestation:
-Lily weighed almost 1 lb.
-She was about 10.5 in. long
-She was kicking lots
-Had developed
eyelids and fingernails

Here is what Lily is up to this year:

7 months, 2 weeks old:
-Lily weighs about 20 lbs.
-She is approximately 28 in. long
-She can roll over from front to
back and back to front
-Can sit up
-She waves hello/goodbye
-Sleeps 12 hours straight at night
-Babbles mama and dada
-Is so inquisitive and curious
-And SO much more!

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-28T09:17:00.009-05:00

Merry Christmas from Miss Lily! We've been having a wonderful time celebrating the holidays and Lily's first Christmas. Here are some of the family traditions we started this year:

-Leaving cookies out for Santa and carrots for the reindeer
-Lily opening one gift on Christmas Eve
-Reading "The Night Before Christmas" and "Santa Mouse" on Christmas Eve
-Everyone getting an orange in their stocking (from the days of the Depression when that's all people could afford to give for Christmas)
-Making goodies and delivering them to the neighbors

We used to do a service/volunteer project or adopt a family at Christmas, so we'll probably begin that again when Lily is a bit older. I want her to know that it's so much more important to give than to receive.

Here is our holiday in pictures:

Reading Mary Engelbreit's The Night Before Christmas.

1. Lily sees carrots for reindeer.
2. Lily tries to eat carrots.
3. Lily sees cookies for Santa.
4. Lily tries to eat cookies.

Unwrapping packages is harder than it looks!

Our Christmas miracle.

Celebrating Fall Holidays

2010-11-30T14:19:00.009-05:00

I've been such a slack blogger...thank you if you're still reading!

I can't believe that Lily is already 6 1/2 months old, sitting up, eating solid foods, and developing more personality each day. We had a wonderful Halloween and have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Here are some pics from our last two holiday celebrations.

Lily's first Halloween costume...a ladybug!

Happy Lilybug!

Lily's first Thanksgiving.

Guess what we're thankful for!

My little turkey!

Happy Fall, Y'all!

2010-10-24T09:59:00.014-04:00

Happy October! Lily is doing so well and growing so fast! I can't believe she's almost six months old. She has graduated from rice cereal and started eating veggies last week. So far we've only tried sweet potatoes, but we've got carrots, peas, and squash in the pantry, so we'll see what she likes best.

We've been having lots of adventures lately (as usual). Our latest were trips to the apple orchard and to the pumpkin patch. Lily loves being outside!

Here we are at Morgan Orchard:

Here is Lily's first visit to the pumpkin patch. I got her outfit from etsy and I love it! I'm addicted to that site.

Hello from Lily!

2010-09-26T09:53:00.009-04:00

Hi there! It's been WAY too long since Mommy has updated her blog! I've been keeping her very busy but we're having so much fun!

I am now 4 1/2 months old and my parents love watching me grow and change each week. Here are some things I've been up to lately:

I'm eating rice cereal! I don't like it very much, but I love eating with a spoon.

I figured out how to put my feet in my mouth. YUM!

Mommy and Daddy got me an exersaucer! It's so much fun to play with all the toys.

Sometimes all those toys can be a little overwhelming, though.

I love going on trips, like up to the mountains in Asheville.

Whew, all these activities wear me out!

One Year Ago

2010-08-28T22:11:00.001-04:00

One year ago yesterday, I had my first beta for our last IVF. It was 35 and I was devastated. I was sure that I was going to have a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage and I told my IVF coordinator that if it was going to end, I just wanted it to happen sooner rather than later. Two days later my beta had doubled, a week later it was off the charts, and two weeks later we saw a heartbeat. I think I was more surprised than anyone that it actually worked! I can't believe that I'm sitting here, a year later, with my precious Lily sleeping in her crib in the yellow room.

Lily rolled over for the first time this week and we were so excited! It's amazing how much she grows and changes everyday. Here's a video of her latest antics at 3.5 months!

New England Trip

2010-08-17T19:13:00.010-04:00

Mr. C, Lily, and I spent the last week in New England on a work trip/family vacation. We spent the first part of the trip in Newport, RI and then the rest of our time in Massachusetts. Lily was a wonderful flyer! We were worried about how she would do in the air, but she did beautifully!

The neatest thing happened on our USAir flight to RI. I asked the flight attendant if they still gave out wings for first time flyers. She said that they don't make them anymore but that she would get the signatures of the flight crew and captain for us to put in Lily's baby book. A few minutes later, she came back with the signatures and another flight attendant. She introduced the other lady, Sheila, and said that she had been a flight attendant on the plane that went down in the Hudson River last year. Sheila handed us a pair of wings and said she had them with her on the Hudson flight and she wanted Lily to have them. It was so special and neat! We were amazed!

Here are some pics from our time in New England.

Lily's Arrival Video

2010-08-09T07:50:00.002-04:00

Mr. C put together this beautiful video capturing Lily's birth and our time in the hospital. I've seen it at least 50 times, but I still tear up every time!

Birth Story

2010-08-04T20:31:00.005-04:00

As I was updating my blog the other day, I realized that I never posted my birth story. Better late than never, I guess, so here it is!

My OB asked that I be at the hospital on Tuesday, May 11, around 7:30pm so that I could take c.ytotec overnight and hopefully get my cervix ready for induction the next day. Mr. C and I packed our bags and went to Saluda's for one last date as a couple. We left after a very delicious dinner and headed straight to the hospital.

As soon as we got there, the nurse took me to a delivery room and got me in a gown and all hooked up to the millions of monitors. It was so reassuring to constantly see the baby's heart rate and to know that they would immediately intervene if something went wrong. Honestly, it was the first time during my pregnancy that I was completely confident that the baby would make it. As much as I loved being pregnant, in the back of my mind, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess that's part of the injustice of infertility. It was about 10:00 by the time I was all hooked up and ready to go. According to the monitor, I was having contractions on my own about every 3 minutes or so, but I couldn't feel them at all.

Once the blood pressure monitor got going, the nurse was concerned because my bp was way up. She decided to run some tests for preeclampsia but declared that everything was okay. Mr. C was there and we tried to close our eyes and get some sleep. Sleep was pretty much impossible, though, because we were so excited and because the blood pressure cuff was squeezing every few minutes, the nurse kept coming in to check on me, the a/c was rattling, and C was sleeping on a pull out sofa. All of that didn't faze us, though, because at this point we were so ready to meet our baby! I took 2 doses of c.ytotec during the night, hoping that my cervix was doing what it was supposed to do. I got up about 6:00am on Wednesday, May 12 and took a shower and got presentable for what I hoped would be Baby G's birthday.

My OB came in around 7:30 to check me and see what the meds had done overnight. As soon as he started the cervix check, he said, "Oh, no." I was like, "WHAT????" He said that I had made absolutely no progress. I was upset, but he wanted to start the p.itocin and give it a few hours to see if that would work. So the nurse started the p.itocin and upped the dosage every 30 minutes until the OB came back at around 11:15. I was still having contractions every 2-3 minutes, but I still couldn't feel anything. When he came back in, my OB had everything ready to break my water and get the show on the road. When he checked my cervix, however, he said he couldn't even get the little water-breaking instrument in! It was ridiculous that I had made absolutely no change whatsoever! He decided right then to do the c-section. At that point, I was totally fine with the decision. All along, I kept saying that however I needed to deliver to ensure a healthy baby was fine with me.

The nurse prepped me for surgery and the anesthesiologist came in to tell me about the spinal. Then my parents arrived from out of town and we had a few minutes to visit before the surgery. When everything was ready, Mr. C and I had about 30 minutes alone. I was just crying and feeling so overwhelmed. I couldn't believe that this 5 year journey was at an end and a new journey was about to begin. It was such an emotional time for both of us.

Then the nurse came in and wheeled me to the operating room. Mr. C kissed me and they took me in for prep while he waited outside. The operating room was such a happy place! Music was playing and there were about 7 people there already who were all so nice and excited for me. I sat on the table and the anesthesiologist gave me the spinal. I honestly didn't feel it one bit. By the time they laid me back on the table, I couldn't feel my legs at all. I was afraid that I would be freaked out by the feeling, but it didn't bother me. The nurse was pinching me in different places to gauge my feeling.

Finally my doctor came in and they let C come in and sit beside my head. He does not do well with blood, so I was a little (ok, a lot) afraid that he would pass out. When I smelled the burny cauterization smell, I got a little freaked out because I started to think about what was happening to my body behind the curtain, but C talked to me and everyone was joking and in a good mood, so I was distracted. The feeling I got during the surgery was just like I felt when the baby would move around a lot. It didn't feel like tugging or pressure, just a very active baby. Finally I heard a tiny little squeak and looked at C with my eyes wide. He actually looked over the curtain and saw her being born. I was so proud of him! The doctor held her up so that C could announce the gender, but the OB's arm was in front of the important parts, so C couldn't tell! Finally he said, "It's a girl!!!" and I just about fell off the table! I was SO sure it was going to be a boy and I was indescribably thrilled that it was a girl.

The doctor held her up over the curtain and I saw her for the first time. It was only for a second, but seeing my daughter for the first time was the most amazing moment of my life. They took her over to clean her up and C followed. Finally they brought her to me and I got to kiss her. My arms were still pinned down so I couldn't touch her, but I got to spend a few minutes kissing and staring at her. Then they whisked her away to the nursery to weigh, measure, and wash her. Mr. C went with Lily as the doctor sewed me up. It was SO hard to see my baby for just a short time and then have her taken away. At least I knew that C was with her and that I would see her again soon.

As he was completing my surgery, Dr. S was like, "Um....Kelly....you've got a ton of endometriosis scarring and lesions in here." I was shocked since I've never been diagnosed with endo, nor had any symptoms. He removed all the gunk and told me that I'd be pregnant again in a matter of months. I couldn't believe it and still can't! If that's been our problem all along and our RE never did a lap, I'm going to be very angry. SO....we're going to see what happens and perhaps his prediction will come true!

So, finally the surgery was finished and I went to the recovery room. After what seemed like HOURS, Mr. C and Lily came in. We got to spend about an hour together as a family of three and get to know Lily a bit.

This story is getting WAY to0 long, so I'll sum it all up by simply saying that Lily makes every moment of the last 5 years worth it. She is truly a dream come true, a million prayers answered, and the joy of my life.

My Beautiful Girl

2010-08-01T10:14:00.008-04:00

I've been a TERRIBLE blogger...I'm so sorry! Here's an update, finally:

We are loving every day with Lily! She is a joy and so much fun. Lily is a laid back baby; she loves to smile and coo and she already sleeps through the night (from about 9:30pm-7:30am)! We love taking her places; the mall, the zoo, the grocery store, out to dinner, and on family visits out of town. She is a great traveler and loves to snooze in her car seat. Here are some recent pics:

In the hot SC sun, a girl needs stylish shades!

Feeding the giraffes at the zoo.

Visiting mommy's alma mater.

Lily's 4th of July outfit.

Last but not least, here's a video of Lily's latest antics.

Happy 1st Father's Day, Mr. C!

2010-06-20T19:22:00.006-04:00

Lily is the luckiest little girl in the world - she has the most amazing daddy. I'm in awe of Mr. C everyday as I watch him with Lily. He was meant to be a father. I found the most perfect card for Mr. C that sums it all up. It says,

"In the nursery sits the crib
that you put together, with a
soft little blanket draped over
the side. You waited months for
the day when you'd hold your baby
in your arms, wrapped snug in that
blanket. and that your little one
would dream sweet dreams inside
that crib. Now your baby is here
and you have a whole lifetime of
dreams coming true to look forward
to."

Happy First Father's Day, Mr. C. I love you so much. Thank you for our beautiful daughter.

Lily Pics!

2010-06-09T09:08:00.010-04:00

I can't believe Lily is already 4 weeks old! It's been a wonderful month full of laughter, tears, learning, and amazement over our little girl.

We had an amazing photo shoot with a very talented and creative photographer on Monday at our house. We just got a sneak peek of some the photos and are SO excited! You can see more of them at Ashley Ward Photography. Please leave a comment on Ashley's blog so that we can get a free print...thanks! :) Here are some of my favorites:

Lily's First Week

2010-05-19T21:07:00.012-04:00

Whew, it's been an amazing, exhausting, exhilarating first week! I can't believe Lily is one week old today. I feel incredibly blessed to have this beautiful child as my daughter. When I look at her, all the struggles of the past five years disappear. She was worth every moment of heartache. Here is our first week in pictures:

My beautiful girl.

Open eyes!

Mr. C gets his first snuggle with Lily in recovery.

Lily's going home outfit.

Sweet face.

Mr. C introduces his daughter to the internet!

Dunkin meets Lily for the first time.

Lily's first sponge bath.

We decided to announce Lily's arrival with this not so subtle stork!

Our little family.

A happy family

2010-05-14T22:12:00.004-04:00

Mr. C still reporting in for the glowing mommy . . . We've taken mountains of pictures but can't publish them fast enough. Here we are, daddy and his girls, on our last night at the hospital. More pictures will follow once we settle in back home. We can't WAIT to get the little princess home.

It's a girl!

2010-05-12T20:35:00.004-04:00

An EXTREMELY proud husband and papa Mr. C. sharing the good news with Kelly's virtual family . . .

Lily Carolyn was born today via C-section at 2:08 PM. She weighed 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21" long. She's beautiful with a head full of blond hair, and has a very calm disposition. Maybe that will rub off on mom and dad! :)

Mom and baby are both doing great. Daddy not too shabby either. Proud of both of my girls.

The Plan

2010-05-11T08:53:00.002-04:00

I'm still pregnant, so our plan is in motion! I'll go to the hospital tonight at 8 pm and begin taking cytotec. That will hopefully soften and begin to dilate my cervix overnight. Then my OB will come in on tomorrow morning and start pitocin at 7 am. At my appointment yesterday, I was 50% effaced with no dilation and baby's head was still up high (+2 station). So, this whole induction may not work. If, after a few hours I haven't made much progress, we'll ditch it and do the c-section.

I can't believe that this is my last day being pregnant! I'm having coffee with a friend this morning and Mr. C. and I are going on a dinner date tonight. I'm so excited but of course nervous about what is to come. Hopefully tomorrow or Thursday I'll have a wonderful update! Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words...it means so much to me that you have followed our journey and truly care about what is happening in my life.

Favors

2010-05-07T15:28:00.003-04:00

To pass the time lately, I've been working on a lot of projects, one of which is little favor bags to hand out to visitors when they come to meet Baby G. I made a set of pink and a set of blue since we obviously don't know which we'll need! They say either "Welcome to the world, ___ ___" or "Happy Birthday, ___ ___". (The lines are first and middle names which Mr. C cleverly blurred out in the photo!) I think they turned out pretty cute!

It's my due date and I'll cry if I want to

2010-05-06T18:40:00.005-04:00

NO BABY YET!!! I can't believe I'm still pregnant and this little one is so happy inside! After all the time I spent in the early days hoping the baby would stay in, now I am wishing and praying for the opposite! I have truly loved every minute of being pregnant and I know I'll miss it as soon as the baby is born, but I am SO ready to meet this person. The anticipation of wondering when labor will start is pretty intense.

At my OB appointment this morning, my cervix had not changed at all from last week. Still high and not dilated. So, we set an induction date for next Wednesday. My OB said he's glad to do a c-section at any time, but if I want to try for a vaginal birth, time is what I need. SO, I'll go in the hospital next Tuesday night and get medicine to start to ripen my cervix. I'll spend the night there and the induction will officially start Wednesday morning at 7:00 am. Hopefully all those plans are for nothing and I'll go into labor on my own. The doctor's office does not let patients go past 41 weeks, so an induction has to happen next week no matter what. It helps me to have an end date in mind, though. At least I know I'll be holding my baby in less than a week, one way or the other!

Funny comment...my OB said today that my belly looks like "an olive on a toothpick" because I am thin and I have a big round belly. Pretty funny! I'll keep you all posted and will hopefully have news before Wednesday!

I am ginormous!!!

39 week update

2010-04-30T15:14:00.002-04:00

I had my 39 week OB appointment yesterday. Unfortunately, I have not dilated at all. The doctor said that my cervix was soft and thin and that the baby's head was "right there", so I guess those are good signs, but I'm definitely discouraged that I haven't made more progress. I've been having so many Braxton Hicks, as well as crampy feeling contractions. I'm going back in on Thursday for another check. If I've dilated some, we'll probably schedule an induction for Thursday or Friday. I am SOOOOO ready to meet this baby! Off to take a walk....

38 weeks, 3 days

2010-04-25T23:02:00.009-04:00

Well, 11 days to go and I have made NO PROGRESS!!! At my OB appointment on Friday, the doctor said my cervix was a bit thinner, but no dilation and the baby's head isn't engaged. I wanted to cry! He said he's fine with inducing me on my due date if nothing's happened, but if I still look like this it will have to be a c-section. Well, I don't want to be induced and I certainly don't want an elective c-section, so I'm praying that something will happen in the next few days! Mr. C and I have been taking lots of walks. Today we went to the zoo for a change of scenery. I hoped that walking around would get things going, but no such luck. Here are some photos from our outing!

38 weeks.

We love the zoo!

The bears were being very playful!

Sad monkeys.

Say cheese! I think this guy looks like a muppet.

This is what I did when we got home!

Last day of work and crazy feet

2010-04-16T19:08:00.006-04:00

Today is my last day of work! It's exciting but also a little strange. I've had a paying job for the last 11 years since I graduated from college and now I'll be going on to a new type of job. The hours will be longer and the payments will be much more meaningful than money. I can't wait!

In other news, my feet and ankles decided to swell to incomprehensible proportions today! My toes were sort of tingling while I was at work and when I looked down I saw:

Ahhhhh! How did I go from wearing 6.5 narrow shoes to scary cankle lady? Oh, well, it's worth it for Baby G!

Full Term Today!!!

2010-04-15T10:48:00.003-04:00

Wow, I'm 37 weeks today and the baby is officially full term! If I go into labor now, the doctors will not try to stop it. So, come on baby! At my appointment yesterday, I wasn't dilated at all, but my cervix was thinned, so I guess that is a good sign. I had another ultrasound and we saw the baby's foot smooshed against it's head! It was funny and looked very uncomfortable.

Speaking of uncomfortable...I'm feeling lots of pressure down low and up high! When the OB checked my cervix yesterday, he said he could feel the baby's head. I can definitely feel it pressing down into my pelvis. On the other end, it's also pushing against my ribs. The baby is just totally out of room!

Our big decision now is whether or not to hire a doula. We interviewed one yesterday and like her, but we're not sure what to do. I'm planning to have an epidural, but I'd like to make it to 6 cm first and her support at the beginning would be helpful to both Mr. C and me. I'll keep you posted on what we decide.

37 weeks! (Can y'all tell that I like this green shirt? It seems like I always wear it on picture day!)

Week 36 update...a little late

2010-04-11T21:24:00.006-04:00

I can't believe I'm almost full term! Time is flying by. I'm having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions lately, as well as some semi-painful contrax which I hope are thinning my cervix! Mr. C took this great video of the baby doing acrobatics tonight. You can tell by my voice that I am soooo tired...I sound half asleep! Enjoy!

We've also almost finished decorating the nursery. We put up a wall graphic tree on the wall behind the crib last week. We think it turned out really cute!

Mother Blessing/Birthing Necklace

2010-04-06T09:47:00.004-04:00

Two weeks ago, Mr. C's aunt hosted a Mother Blessing for me. I had never heard of this before I got pregnant and was so excited to see what she had in store. The Mother Blessing is based on a Native American tradition. It is a celebration focused solely on motherhood; a circle of close friends and family get together to encourage and lift up the mother-to-be.

First we had dinner together and then gathered in a circle to begin. Aunt Jennie began with a reading about motherhood that made us all cry. Then the girls went around and read something meaningful...either a memory or story about me they had written down, or a poem or writing that reminded them of me. Then they each presented a bead that represented me or my journey in some way. The beads would later be put together to make a birthing necklace that I'll wear during labor. The readings were so touching and the beads were absolutely gorgeous!

Then everyone wrapped a string of yarn around their wrist and passed it across the circle until we had made a web where all of us were attached. Then each person cut the yarn at their wrist and tied it on to make a bracelet. Everyone is supposed to wear their bracelet until the baby is born. It is so neat to know that everyone has this little reminder of me on their arm and will be thinking of me during these last weeks.

After that, I got a "nesting basket" filled with gifts from everyone to help me during labor. There were several relaxing CDs, some soft socks, massage lotion, and books. I am putting them all into my hospital bag!

In closing, everyone received a candle that they will light when I go into labor and blow out when the baby is born. The night was so touching and it felt amazing to have the support of all these women who have gone through childbirth before me. It was such a special celebration and meant so much to me.

This weekend, Jennie brought me the completed birthing necklace. It is gorgeous! Here are some photos of the finished product. I love it!

35/35

2010-04-01T08:56:00.004-04:00

Wow, I can't believe I'm here at the 35/35 milestone! 35 weeks pregnant and 35 days to go. I'm hanging in there, feeling more uncomfortable by the day. I've been nesting big time; washing clothes, blankets, and burp cloths, packing the hospital bags, and buying last minute necessities. I'm so worried that I'll go into labor early and I won't have everything organized! I'd much rather have it ready to go early than be running around at the last minute trying to get everything together. The only things left to do now are hire our doula, install the carseat, and go to our pedi interviews and breastfeeding class (both next week). I'm ready for Baby G to get here!!

35 weeks!

A visit with our Godson

2010-03-30T13:07:00.010-04:00

Last week, my first cousin Heather and her husband Craig came to visit us from Seattle. And of course they brought their adorable 21 month old son (our Godson) Patrick! Patrick quickly learned that my big tummy meant that there was a baby on the way. He started calling me "Baby In There"...so cute! He loved to point to my tummy and say "baby in there" over and over. It's amazing how much he has grown and how much his language has developed over the last 10 months since we saw him last.

We went to Charleston for a long weekend where the guys ran the Cooper River Bridge Run. We did lots of walking and showed them the sights. I guess that will be my last road trip before Baby G gets here! We had a wonderful time with them and miss them already. Here are some of the highlights of our trip:

In Charleston in front of the famous pineapple fountain.

Baby In There!

Patrick exploring the streets of Charleston.

Buddha Belly!

My 34 weeks belly shot in front of one of Charleston's horse carriages.

Godfather and Godson bonding with their strollers. (P calls his a "brooma".)

Built in table.

Cousins!

Baby Shower Brunch

2010-03-21T11:53:00.010-04:00

Yesterday, three of my dear friends hosted a beautiful shower for me. It was a sit-down brunch with delicious food like quiche, muffins, fruit, and petits fours. There was so much love, support, and excitement for Baby G...it made me feel wonderful. It was so fun for me to have friends from different parts of my life come together to celebrate our baby. Here are some photos from the party!

The beautiful shower hostesses.

Presents!

The precious diaper cake my friend Penny made.

Ladies who brunch.

Mom and me.

My friend Sara who hosted the brunch at her house.

My friend Angie who I grew up with in NC...she came in from out of town to be at the shower.

The beautiful grandmother-to-be.

33 weeks

2010-03-19T19:24:00.004-04:00

I've got spring fever - it's in the 70's today and I'm loving it! Everything is going well and I'm getting bigger by the day...literally. I had an ultrasound on Monday and the baby weighs almost 5 lbs already! The tech also said that the baby has lots of hair on his/her head. Tomorrow is my big shower and I can't wait - I'm SO excited!

33 weeks, 1 day

Baby Shower #2

2010-03-14T19:27:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I had another baby shower! This one was special because it was hosted by Martha and David, the people who introduced me to Mr. C! I taught their granddaughter in kindergarten (she's now in 8th grade) and they knew Mr. C because he was the music director at their church at the time. They set us up on a blind date almost 8 years ago. They knew what they were doing because 6 weeks later, we were engaged! Martha made the flower girl dresses for our wedding, and David (a professional cake maker) made our wedding cake. It's so neat for them to be celebrating yet another milestone in our lives!

Mom and me before the shower.

Martha, the shower hostess.

David's delicious baby bootie cake.

My sweet friend Joanie who came in from out of town.

Our matchmakers.

Happy Birthday To Me and Shower #1

2010-03-10T16:14:00.009-05:00

Today's my birthday! I'm 33 today...yikes! We are celebrating tomorrow night at a dinner with lots of friends and family. Mr. C gave me a gift certificate for an hour prenatal massage - woohoo! I can't wait to use it.

Yesterday was our first shower, hosted by my office. It was so nice and made me feel so good to have everyone at work celebrating with us. They went around the room and each person gave us one piece of advice...it was SO interesting to hear what everyone had to say! One of the girls who organized it also did a poll to find out whether people think we're having a boy or girl. It was 55% girl and 45% boy! She had made a cute little graph and typed up everyone's reasons for their guess. The reasons are hilarious, like, "She's having a girl because her nose hasn't gotten bigger." Or, "It's a boy because I want them to name the baby Mr. C Jr". Hahaha! We'll see who's right! Instead of individual gifts, they all pooled their $ and got us a very generous gift certificate to Target. After all the showers, we can use it to fill in what we still need.

My sweet hostesses, Rogers, Samantha, and Betsy.

The too-cute-to-eat petits fours from a local bakery. They were so yummy!

Mr. C. and I celebrated my birthday with friends at our favorite local bistro.

Shower Stationery

2010-03-08T21:06:00.005-05:00

I have to give a shout out to my friend Sarah M. at Paper Luxe Studio. She designs beautiful custom stationery and made me some to match my nursery! She designed packets of notes that I am going to give as gifts to the hostesses of all my showers. Each pack has the initial of the person at the top and her name at the bottom. She also made me thank you notes that say "Merci Beaucoup". I love them!

31 weeks

2010-03-07T15:55:00.004-05:00

Sorry this is a little late! I'm actually 31 weeks, 3 days today. Everything is pretty much the same, including my back issues. I've been struggling with back pain this week and have seen my chiropractor several times. She says that since I am so small and am carrying all my newly gained weight only in my belly, that it's putting quite a strain on my lower back. Her adjustments as well as massage therapy help a lot. I have trouble sitting for any length of time, though, which makes work difficult. Other than that, everything is great! I have an OB appointment Monday and my first shower is on Tuesday, hosted by my office. I'm excited! My birthday is Wednesday, and I'm having a celebration dinner with lots of friends and family on Thursday, so this will be quite a week! I'll be sure to update with lots of pics.

Yesterday, I had the nicest thing happen. I went to get myself and Mr. C. a milkshake at the Dairy Bar down the street. It's the kind of place where you park and walk up to a window to order. I parked right by the window and when I got my two shakes, a man behind me in line walked over to my car and opened the door for me. It was such a nice gesture by a total stranger and made me feel so good!

Here I am at 31 weeks:

30 Weeks Today!!!!!!!

2010-02-25T12:41:00.004-05:00

Wow, I feel like this is a huge milestone! I can't believe I'm in the 30's already! This week we had our hospital tour as part of our childbirth class. The delivery rooms are very nice and cozy. After delivery, we have the choice of going to a room where we have the option of the baby going to the nursery or a room where the baby is with us constantly. We're not sure which to choose, but it seems like it would be nice to have the option of the baby going to the nursery if we need some rest. Although I doubt I'll let him/her out of my sight!

Mr. C has started talking to the baby each night right before we go to sleep. It must like his voice because it always starts moving like crazy! Then it gets hyper and I can't go to sleep because it's turning flips and dancing around. It's funny because Mr. C always gets really hyper right before bed. This is something I was hoping he would NOT pass on to our child...hahaha!

I'm feeling great and getting excited about all our showers coming up. I found out yesterday that the school where I teach part-time is planning a surprise shower for me in April, so that brings me to a total of 5 showers...yikes! It makes me feel so good that everyone wants to celebrate this miracle baby. I guess that is one good thing about sharing our IVF journey with everyone - they understand how amazing this baby is and that he or she is truly a wonderful miracle.

29 Weeks (a little late)

2010-02-20T15:55:00.004-05:00

The baby is definitely getting bigger! Everywhere I go, I get comments from random people about my pregnancy. People love to ask how far along I am, when my due date is, whether it's a boy or girl, etc. Today in Chick-Fil-A (yes, I was naughty!) the cashier said I was beautiful and that she was going to be especially nice to me as a good example to my baby. Funny! Luckily I haven't had any strangers trying to grope my belly. That would not be cool. I love all the attention!

I've been feeling good except for some back problems this week. Luckily I have a miracle-worker chiropractor who is incredibly helpful. It's getting more difficult to sleep and I'm feeling very tight, but otherwise I'm doing well. As I type this, the baby has the hiccups! I love feeling him/her move all the time.

Here I am at 29 weeks:

I love this.

2010-02-16T17:38:00.002-05:00

Snowmeggedon 2010!

2010-02-13T11:40:00.010-05:00

Amazingly enough, it has snowed here in SC! It NEVER snows, so we were very surprised when it started coming down yesterday afternoon. It was a beautiful snow - very light and fluffy. By this morning, we had about 7 inches. It's already melted SO much and there's nothing on the road, so that's nice. Here are some photos for your viewing pleasure!

Last night with the snow pouring down.

A view of our pergola out the window.

The gate leading to our backyard.

Sweet Dunkin.

Hershey loves to eat snow!

Our house.

Two big pregnant ladies! (Her little sign says "Baby Bump".)

Mr. C giving the snow lady some love!

The pups helped build our snow lady, too.

We have a crib!!!

2010-02-06T17:06:00.009-05:00

Our day in pictures:

It's here!!!

Mr. C. is an expert crib assembler.

Hershey supervised the process.

I love, love, love it!

We still need wall decorations and curtains, but it's definitely coming together!

27 weeks

Car wreck (but we're fine)

2010-02-02T19:50:00.007-05:00

Baby G and I had a scary day today. I was going to pick up lunch and a guy backed out without looking and rammed into the passenger side of my car. I drive a Volvo V50 and he was in a huge Excursion. His trailer hitch tore a big hole in my car and crumpled my passenger side door. Luckily it was the passenger side and my airbags didn't deploy. I felt fine afterward but was definitely rattled. I called my OB's office and told them what happened. They said to come in and get checked out just to be safe.

I LOVE my OB's office! I was so impressed with them today. They don't mess around when something scary happens. The dr. did a physical exam first, feeling all along my back and belly. Everything was fine and pain free. Then she hooked me up for a non-stress test. It was so neat to sit there and listen to the baby's heartbeat for 15 minutes. I had to press a little button whenever I felt the baby move. The nurse and OB were both very impressed with the results. They said the printout looked perfect; just what they like to see. Then the OB ordered an ultrasound which of course I was thrilled about! I was SO happy to see the baby again. She looked at the placenta and said it looked beautiful (wrecks can cause placental abruption, apparently) and then looked at the baby who was moving and kicking like crazy. The u/s tech even saw an elbow or knee poke out of my belly during the scan! The best part was when the baby yawned...so cute! We got a mid-yawn photo and it looks like the baby has it's daddy's big mouth. (Just kidding, Mr. C!)

Anyway, I'm now exhausted, but feeling fine and very reassured that the baby wasn't phased at all by my little adventure. I wish I could say the same about my car! Here are 2 photos from the u/s today.

Baby G is looking right at us.

BIG yawn!

Baby stuff!

2010-01-23T16:10:00.009-05:00

Today there was a sidewalk sale on a street nearby that is lined with little boutiques. One of the stores is a baby boutique that has beautiful things. I scored some GREAT deals there today!

Three soft, large blankets...$10 for all three!

I have been drooling over this little knitted hat every time I go in the store. I got it for FREE in the buy 2, get 1 free sale!

I absolutely love this little outfit! If we don't have a boy, I'm sure I'll find someone to give it to, but I couldn't resist buying it!

A closeup of the giraffe. It's made of really soft material and has little brown fringe. SO CUTE!

Last but not least, a couple of week 25 belly shots.

24 Weeks...Viability!

2010-01-14T13:48:00.002-05:00

Today is a big day - 24 weeks! If the baby were born now, there is a good chance that s/he would make it. I want it to stay in for MUCH longer, but it's comforting to know that if something were to happen, s/he could survive.

I had my 24 week OB appointment on Monday. Everything looks good except the fact that I gained WAY too much weight last month! The doctor said I should be gaining 2-3 lbs. max each month and I gained 7! Oops. Well, Christmas, New Year's, plus a growth spurt by the baby are my excuses. I actually look pretty much the same all over, except for my belly, which has really grown!

A couple of nights ago, Mr. C rolled over and put his hand on my bum. After a few minutes he said, "Is the baby moving? I can't feel anything." I said, "That's my bottom, not my belly!!!" It was SO funny...we couldn't stop laughing. I guess my body is really changing if he can't tell the difference between my bum and my tum!

The only negative so far is that I started getting charlie horses this past week. If you've never had one, be glad! They are excrutiatingly painful leg cramps where your calf tenses up and becomes rock hard. It only lasts 20-30 seconds, but it hurts SOOOO bad. My calves are sore for days afterward like I've done a crazy workout. The doctor said to increase my fluids and potassium, so hopefully that will help. Other than that, I feel great!

24 weeks in the yellow room, aka nursery.

Happy 2010!

2010-01-02T09:02:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! I can't believe the year of my baby's birth is finally here! 2009 had a lot of ups and downs and I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store. It's going to be an amazing year!

22 Weeks

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T18:04:00.004-05:00

21 Weeks (Please excuse the confederate flag...blech.)

Merry Christmas from SC! It is amazing how different this Christmas is for us. We've spent too many Christmases being sad and this year we can truly celebrate! Even though it is a joyful time of year, we've had a tinge of sadness for the last 4 years, thinking about what we've lost and what should have been. Now, we look forward to next year and the joy of sharing our first Christmas as a family of 3. I hope everyone has a joyful holiday!

Half-Baked!

2009-12-17T20:52:00.005-05:00

I can't believe I am halfway through my pregnancy! I am so blessed and amazed to have made it this far. I've been so fortunate to have a great 4.5 months and I hope the second half goes just as well!

19 weeks. I love this photo!

20 weeks.

Our Big Ultrasound!

2009-12-14T11:40:00.009-05:00

Today was an amazing day. Mr. C. and I got to see our baby for the first time since our 8 week u/s. Wow, how things have changed! We have a beautiful baby who's organs and body parts are measuring perfectly! Everything is intact and as it should be at this point. We stayed strong and did not find out the gender. The ultrasound tech could clearly tell what it is, so we do know that we have one or the other!!

Actually, the baby looks so good that the OB's office asked me to come back on Friday so that they could train their new u/s tech by looking at my baby! They'll do another anatomy scan and for my time, they're going to throw in a 3D u/s. Fun! Here are some photos from this morning:

Beautiful profile!

Baby was flipping all around during our scan!

Five fingers waving hello!

Baby foot.

Sitting cross-legged. (Knobby knees to the right, crossed feet to the left.)

Giving us a thumbs-up to let us know everything is okay!

18.5 weeks update

2009-12-07T09:35:00.005-05:00

I've been a slack blogger! Things have been going well...I'm feeling great and have lots of energy. I've been feeling the baby move fairly often and I love it! It is the most incredible feeling. I had a heartbeat check a few days ago and it was beating away strong and loud!

Our big ultrasound is a week from today. I'm so excited but very nervous, as well. Mr. C. and I are sticking to our decision not to find out the gender. I'd LOVE to know but he feels like since nothing about this process has been a surprise, it would be nice to have one unknown thing. I think it will be an amazing moment when he announces, "It's a ____!" to everyone. We have two names picked out and a gender neutral nursery, so we're set for a boy or a girl.

Here are some photos from this week:

18 weeks belly shot.

I couldn't resist buying this precious onsie!

I found this cute ornament at the Holiday Market...perfect for our tree this year!

Sweet 16

2009-11-19T17:09:00.002-05:00

Here I am at 16 weeks! Nothing new to report...I feel like I am getting bigger every day, which I love!

Baby Shopping Extravaganza!

2009-11-16T11:09:00.006-05:00

Mom and I went to Charlotte on Saturday to visit Destination Maternity. We had so much fun! What a cool store...they know what pregnant women need - inside they had juice, water, snacks, and even a spa! Sweet! They have 3 different shops in one; all at different price points...I love having options. I have been searching for a holiday party dress and I found the perfect one:

It actually looks much cuter in person. I also don't have such a huge bump so it looks a little different on me! I did try it on with the belly in the store, so I know that I can wear it throughout my pregnancy. I also bought some maternity tights to wear with it. I've always hated the waist band on tights; I should have bought maternity ones years ago!

Mr. C and I also bought our nursery bedding!!! I know it is a bit early, but we got a 25% off coupon from Serena and Lily and they NEVER have sales. The coupon expired today, so we had to go ahead and do it! The yellow room is decorated with the same colors/fabric as the Graham nursery collection, so we knew that that's what we'd be buying for the crib. So exciting! Now we just need a crib to put it in. Here it is:

I also had my 16 week OB appointment today. We met a new OB (new to us) who I really liked. He said everything looked and felt great! The heartbeat was in the 160s. I always LOVE hearing that sound! Our next OB appointment is the BIG U/S in 4 weeks...I can't wait!

15 weeks 1 day

2009-11-13T16:31:00.003-05:00

I'm finally updating my blog! Everything is going well and I'm getting a bit of my energy back, so that is nice. I haven't even taken a nap during the past several days! Everyone knows about the pregnancy now, so it's been so fun to hear all the congratulations and excitement from our friends, family, and acquaintances. I've now got 2 pairs of maternity pants which are SO comfortable. I scored an AMAZING deal on a pair of Citizens of Humanity maternity jeans (which I'm sporting in my photo) on Ebay. 63% off retail and they were new with tags! Sooo exciting! Here I am in all my glory at 15 weeks:

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-30T08:04:00.003-04:00

(Click on pic to see it bigger.)

Surprise ultrasound!

2009-10-21T11:18:00.002-04:00

Today I had my second OB appointment. When it was time to hear the heartbeat, the dr. couldn't find it on the doppler! Of course I freaked out because it was so easy to find 2 weeks ago. She said not to worry, the baby had probably just moved, but she didn't want us to stress so she brought in an ultrasound machine to check it out. It was amazing to have my first abdominal ultrasound! I felt like a real pregnant lady! Everything looked great...the heart was pumping away like crazy and the baby actually looked like a baby! We could see the eyes, nose, mouth, and the arms and legs. Unfortunately, he/she was asleep, so we didn't get to see any movement. Since the u/s machine was so old, it didn't show any measurements, so we didn't get a CRL (crown rump length), a heartrate, or any photos. :( (Mr. C. didn't bring the camera this time b/c we didn't think there would be anything to see.) I SO wish I had pictures to stare at, but I guess I'll just have to wait 8 more weeks for that! Next OB appointment is in 4 weeks.

I needed to have some bloodwork done while I was there and my insurance is not recognized by my OB's lab. SO, I had to go upstairs to the hospital lab to have my blood drawn. When we got to the lab, there was this huge sign telling pregnant women to STOP! Because of the flu, all pregnant women have to wear a mask to enter the lab. Here I am in all my glory (snapped w/ C's Blackberry). Sexy, huh?

10 Weeks and 1st OB Appointment

2009-10-08T17:47:00.004-04:00

Today was our first OB appointment and I was so nervous. It's been 2 weeks since our last u/s, and I wanted to make sure that everything was still going alright in there! After a long meeting with the nurse where she asked me everything from my family history to my birthing preferences, we got to see the doctor (incidentally, he was voted the "hottest doctor" in our city!). He said that he'd try to hear the heartbeat with a doppler, but that 10 weeks was really early for a doppler so if we didn't hear it we'd do an ultrasound. As soon as he touched the probe to my abdomen, it was loud and clear! The baby's heart was right there beating away at 177 bpm! He said, "Are you sure you're only 10 weeks? That's a really strong heartbeat!" He couldn't believe we could hear it loud and clear with a doppler so early. It was amazing to hear that tiny heart beating for the first time.

Much to my dismay, our next ultrasound won't be until 20 weeks!!! I can't believe I have to wait over 2 months to see the baby again! He said that I'll have monthly appointments until then. After much moaning and groaning on my part, he agreed that I could come back in 2 weeks instead of 4 to hear the heartbeat again. That will pretty much round out my 1st trimester and maybe I can start to relax. After that, waiting a month between appointments won't be quite so excruciating, I guess. Mr. C. and I are super excited and loving each milestone that we reach!

Here we are (Yes, I admit we're dorks) documenting the first time we heard the hb! You can see the 177 bpm on the monitor.

Here's a video of us listening to the hb. Note how the men are all involved with talking about the camera and I'm in the background oohing and ahhing about the baby!

2009-10-06T15:48:00.003-04:00

Everything is continuing to go well! I've been too exhausted to write anything on my blog lately. All I want to do is sleep. I have never been so exhausted in my entire life! Last week I was actually feeling pretty good. The queasiness and exhaustion abated a bit and I got some relief. No such luck this week. My nurse said it was normal for symptoms to come and go, but I was hoping when they went that they wouldn't be back!

My first OB appointment in on Thursday when I will be 10 weeks. I don't know if I'll have an ultrasound or not. I certainly hope so! The nurse said the dr. will look for the heartbeat with the doppler and if he doesn't find it, he'll do an u/s. I'm thinking that 10 weeks is a bit early for the doppler, so we'll see.

It's so scary to go a couple of weeks without an ultrasound and wonder what is going on in there. I feel confident that everything is going as it should, but I'm still terrified. I wonder if I'll ever be able to relax and enjoy the process. Probably not, but each passing week makes me feel a little better.

Pomp and Circumstance

2009-09-24T13:23:00.002-04:00

That's right, it's graduation day! I graduated from the RE today! Never again will I have to go back to that office...I can't believe it! Everything looked good at our 8 week ultrasound. The heartbeat was still pumping away, this week at 170 bpm. The baby is looking like a little gummy bear now, although the following picture isn't great. But you can get the idea!

Amazing

2009-09-17T11:37:00.007-04:00

Two rounds of IUI.................$10,000

Four rounds of IVF................$28,000

Infertility meds.....................$15,000

Acupuncture.........................$3,000

Seeing our baby's heartbeat.......PRICELESS!

Getting ready and crossing my fingers...

We can see the 160 bpm heartbeat!

Happy day!

First Ultrasound Today!

2009-09-10T13:29:00.007-04:00

Well, today's ultrasound went better than I was expecting. To say I was terrified this morning is an understatement. Yesterday I began spotting and was sure that it could only mean bad news. Not so! Everything looked great at the ultrasound. We saw the fetal pole and yolk sac, and everything measured 5w6d, which is right on time! We did not, however, see the heartbeat yet. My RE was not at all concerned and said it's still early. He said that about 1/2 of all healthy pregnancies don't have a visible heartbeat at 6 weeks, so it was not a problem at all. My next ultrasound will be a week from today and we'll hopefully see a heartbeat then. He saw no reason for the spotting (which was gone by last night) and said it could be any number of reasons like hormonal fluctuation, a scab from one of my ovaries, etc. Since it's gone now, he was unconcerned. Thanks for all your well wishes and for following us in this journey. For today, I can breathe a sigh of relief and have a bit more hope in my heart.

Here's the ultrasound photo. It's really grainy and hard to tell what is what, but the area between the Xs is the baby and the yolk sac is sort of circle-ish looking on the right.

POAS

2009-09-10T06:58:00.002-04:00

The darkest line EVER! This has gotta be good news, right?

Beta #3

2009-09-04T12:49:00.002-04:00

It's 891. That's a 40.3 hour doubling time. Yay! So much for not getting my hopes up. Now they are up and I'm feeling excited. My RE usually does the first ultrasound at 7 weeks, but given my history, he wants to see me next Thursday at 6 weeks for my first ultrasound. We probably will not be able to see a heartbeat at that point, but he will be looking for size and placement of the gestational sack and perhaps the yolk sac and fetal pole. The nurse cautioned that it may be too early to see anything beside the sac, though. At this point it's cautious optimism and we'll just see what happens!

I'm still pregnant! (5 Weeks)

2009-09-03T08:42:00.004-04:00

Yes, I'm still here and still pregnant (as far as I know). Tomorrow I have another beta, so we'll see what happens then. My symptoms are mainly just being very tired and having an insatiable thirst. I POAS last night and the pregnant line is a lot darker than the control line, so I'm taking that to be a good sign! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I'll let you know when I get my beta back tomorrow.

Beta #2

2009-08-29T14:27:00.002-04:00

Well, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My beta more than doubled, going from 35 on Thursday to 75 today. I'm neither happy, nor sad...just neutral. I guess it can go either way at this point. I would certainly love a miracle, but I just don't have the energy to get my hopes up. I've been here twice before, with a doubling beta, and things have not ended well. I don't want to seem negative, but I have to guard my heart. Thank you all so much for all your encouraging comments...they mean so much to me and Mr. C. My next beta will be Friday, September 4th, so I have another week to wait. I'll keep you posted!

Beta In

2009-08-27T11:11:00.001-04:00

Well, it's not good news. My beta is at 35. I know there have been lots of success stories with low betas, but with my history, it is most likely not going to be viable. I've had 3 former ivfs, 2 with higher first betas than this and they've all been a c/p or miscarriage. We will test again on Saturday. I'm very very sad and coming to terms with being at the end of my IF journey. Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers.

Fun Fotos

2009-08-24T10:04:00.007-04:00

Nothing new to report. My beta is on Thursday...I will not POAS before then, so it will be a surprise when I get the call. I'm just feeling crampy and tired. Same as every time before. Plus, my upper back is KILLING me. That's happened every time, too, but not as severe as it is this time. Maybe a good sign?

Here are some photos to entertain you today!

Our embryos. The top two are the 4AA blastocysts and the smaller one is the 3BB that didn't make it.

My file at our RE's office. It's about 4 inches thick! So sad.

A very dorky pic of me suiting up for transfer.

ET went well!

2009-08-19T10:22:00.003-04:00

We transferred two grade 4AA blastocysts yesterday. It took a little longer to get the catheter into my uterus because my ovaries are so big (they are "kissing") that they are pushing my uterus straight up and down. Usually the dr. wants a full bladder so it pushes the uterus down horizontally. Even with a full bladder, my ovaries were pushing back so hard that my uterus was completely vertical! Despite that, everything went well and I'm now chillaxin' on bedrest!

In not so good news, we got a call from the embryologist this morning telling us that none of the other embryos made it to freeze. They all arrested yesterday/last night. So, that's good and bad. Good in that it means we truly are finished with IVF. There will be no frozen embryos to tempt us to try again if this cycle doesn't work. Bad because if this cycle DOES work, we were hoping to have some frozen to use for a sibling in the future. Also, of course we now wonder if the embryos they transferred yesterday are going to stop growing like the rest of the cohort did. I'm going to think positively, though, and hope that they are implanting right now!

And then there were 5

2009-08-16T14:49:00.002-04:00

The embryologist called this morning to let us know that we are being pushed to a day 5 transfer. Yay! Unfortunately, we only have 5 good embryos (8 celled) at this point. He said that the rest are only 4 or 6 celled with fragmentation. SO, hopefully at least one of the five will continue to do well and be our baby!

Our transfer will be on Tuesday at noon. Mr. C. and I are having a dilemma over how many embryos to transfer. We're considering transferring 3 this time instead of 2. Given our history, we think it may be a good idea. BUT, I would physically not be able to handle triplets if they all stuck. I'm 5'1" and a little over 100 lbs, so I don't think my body could accommodate 3! The RE and embryologist have been discussing it and we'll make a final decision on Tuesday. The problem is, the embryos we transfer always are graded 4AA, the highest grade, but then end up not turning into a baby. But the RE will probably still not want to transfer 3 if they are all of the highest quality. We'll see what happens. I'd love to hear you opinions.

ER and Fertilization Report

2009-08-14T12:13:00.002-04:00

I survived ER! They got 24 eggs! The embryologist called this morning and told us that we have 13 embryos going strong. 7 eggs were immature and 4 did not fertilize. I'm happy with 13, though. Hopefully one (or more) of those will be winners. I'm feeling yucky, but hanging in there. I mainly feel like I have really bad indigestion and it's hard to take a deep breath. I think that's because my ovaries are so enlarged and are pushing on my diaphragm. I'm taking it easy, lying around in bed and reading Pat Conroy's new book. My day 3 transfer is scheduled for 10:30 on Sunday. They'll call me that morning if I'm pushed to a day 5 transfer (fingers crossed). Thanks for all the well wishes!

Triggering Tonight and My 100th Post!

2009-08-11T16:01:00.003-04:00

It's my 100th post! I can't believe I've been writing this blog for over a year. Thank you all for continuing to read and support me on my journey.

Mr. C. and I went to Charleston this morning for my ultrasound and b/w. The nurse just called and told me my E2 is at 5000 and I'm ready to trigger tonight at 9:45pm! ER will be Thursday at 8:45am. Yikes! I've got 31 eggs that are >15mm. I feel like crap, just like yesterday, but worse. Although, a special delivery at my door earlier made my day! THANK YOU Heather, Craig, and Patrick for my beautiful surprise flowers! I now have a gorgeous bouquet of daisies and yellow roses (my favs) to look at and cheer me up when I'm feeling yucky.

Another new development is that starting after the ER, I will be taking D.ocinex, a pill that is supposed to make E2 levels decrease and therefore help with the risk of OHSS. I've never done that before, but it sounds good. Anyone tried it? I'm also trying to come up with new ways to drink my whey powder. Mixing it with gatorade is NOT working. It's DISGUSTING!!! I'm going to try making a strawberry smoothie tonight. I'm just thinking of myself as Little Miss Muffet, sitting on a tuffet, eating my curds and whey.

Follicles and Estrogen and Ultrasounds, Oh My! (aka Day 11)

2009-08-10T14:57:00.003-04:00

So, after Friday's worries about my follicles growing slowly, I guess they decided to become overachievers. I had an ultrasound yesterday in Charleston and I have about 30 that are around 15-17 mm. My coordinator says I'll most likely be triggering tomorrow night. I started G.anerelix and S.aizen last night and I feel so drugged. My legs feel like jello and I feel like I could pass out at any moment. I'm at work but I'm no good for much.

Today's E2 count - 3500. Yikes! I'm drinking protein/gatorade drinks (disgusting) and getting anti-OHSS treatments at acupuncture. Hopefully that will be enough to ward off the evil hyperstimulation that I am so terrified of.

I had quite a bad u/s experience this morning. I went to the satelite office here in town where I go for monitoring. (It's another RE's office *let's call him Dr. M.* but they let my RE's patients go there for bloodwork and ultrasounds and a dr. from my RE's office is there once a week.) Anyway, a new nurse and Dr. M. came in this morning to do my ultrasound. They were complete bumbling idiots. Neither one knew what they were doing. My u/s took 30 minutes and the measurements were totally off from yesterday (so says my ivf coordinator). It was ridiculous. So now, we have to drive 2 hours to Charleston AGAIN tomorrow for another u/s! Then back to Charleston on Thursday for ER and then again for ET. Not that I don't love Chas, but SHEESH! Mr. C. and I are so frustrated with this process. Oh, well. At least I am being closely monitored! I'm hanging in there for now. Oops, it's past time for one of my meds. I'm off to shoot up.....

Day 8 of Stims Update

2009-08-07T14:56:00.003-04:00

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. It gives me so much positive energy to know that I have so many cheerleaders out there!

I've now made it to day 8! Here's what I have to show for it so far:

Day 4 - E2 is 106
Day 6 - E2 is 506
Day 8 - E2 is 1,444

So far I have no follicles over 12mm. This has never happened before; usually they grow quickly and uniformly. Now they are slow and I have no standouts. I have almost 30 follicles, they are just not up to where they usually are at this point. My RE doesn't seem worried. He's actually decreasing my F.ollistem for the next 2 nights. He just thinks they need longer than usual to grow. This is the first time we've done the antagonist protocol, so maybe that's what's making the difference. My estrogen is going up very quickly, which always freaks me out. Apparently, once I start the antagon injections, that will help to keep my E2 down. I'll also start the growth hormone S.aizen injections when we get some bigger follicles. So, I guess we're looking at an ER on maybe Wednesday or Thursday at the soonest. We'll know more after Sunday's u/s and bloodwork. I'll keep you posted!

It Has Begun!

2009-08-03T09:56:00.002-04:00

So we're off and running on this 4th IVF attempt. I began stims on Friday after an ultrasound showing 20 resting follicles. I'm on 225 IUs of F.ollistem and 10 IUs of low dose hcg. In a few days I'll begin G.anerelix and S.aizen (growth hormone). I went for my Day 4 bloodwork today and will find out this afternoon if everything is on track so far.

I am feeling so differently about this cycle. I'm not excited, I'm just sort of going through the motions. I guess that's not good, but I just can't handle getting my hopes up. I'm trying to stay calm and not think about it. This will be our last IVF, and I'm more excited about it being over than anything else. I'm ready for this journey to end. After more than 4 years, it's time to move on. If this cycle doesn't work, it will be on to adoption. I'm so, so tired. I'm just ready to be a mother and ready to get on with my life. I do want to give it this one last shot (no pun intended!) though. I have to be able say that I did everything I could to try to have a biological child. Please say a prayer for us and I'll keep you updated and the process continues!

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-06T11:32:00.011-04:00

Mr. C and I had a wonderfully relaxing holiday weekend in WV with relatives. We went tubing down the river, had an amazing cookout, sang songs, and lit sparklers.

This Friday we leave for our last vacation before our next IVF cycle. I started BCPs last Friday and will have my first monitoring appointment on July 21. After that I'll start stims and off we go!

Getting ready to tube down the FREEZING spring-fed river!

It was cold but fun!

My favorite photo of the weekend. (Sorry it's out of focus...it's IN focus on my home computer so I don't know what Blogger's problem is.)

Mr. C.'s aunt and uncle.

Mom and me!

4th of July dogs.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2009-06-28T19:46:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was our 6th wedding anniversary. Time flies when you're having fun! I can't wait to see what the next 6 (and beyond) hold for us.

34

2009-06-26T10:41:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday, Mr. C! I love you and hope you have a wonderful day!

Newport, RI

2009-06-23T19:58:00.011-04:00

Mr. C and I just returned from a trip to Newport, Rhode Island. It was beautiful and we had a wonderful time! Check out some of the pics from our time in New England:

Day 3 Labs and SHG

2009-06-11T11:09:00.004-04:00

We're back in the game again! Last week I had my day 3 labs and today I had my sonohystogram (hello cramps!). Everything looked good with my numbers last week and my FSH is the lowest it's ever been, coming in at 7.5. Yay! My highest number (after the Clomid Challenge Test) was 11.4. My RE says your highest number is your official FSH, but I still feel good when it goes down. It's been 2 years since the 11.4, so I was terrified that it was going to be even higher than that! At least we're starting off with some good news! My SHG was uneventful this morning and everything looks normal. Now we just wait until AF when I'll start BCPs. I can't believe we're doing this again. I hope and pray that it works this time.

Here's a photo of us from a wedding in Asheville we attended a few weeks ago. It was at the Grove Park Inn and was beautiful. Unfortunately, the bride and groom announced they were PREGNANT right before cutting the cake! I started crying and ran out. Very dramatic. I'm very happy for my friend, but seriously?! (Incidently, this photo was taken BEFORE the big announcement!)

Another Visit with Patrick

2009-06-01T09:18:00.011-04:00

Last weekend we traveled to Colorado to visit my cousin Heather, her husband Craig, and their son Patrick (our godson). Heather's brother Rocky also flew in from Washington. We had an AMAZING time together. It was so nice to connect with family and to spend quality time with Patrick. He's 11 months old now and is so much fun! He's a very happy boy and his personality is delightful. Every morning, Mr. C. took Patrick on a hike in the backpack. Heather and Craig are so laid back and let us have lots of alone time to take P on strolls, to the bookstore, to the playground, etc. Mr. C. is amazing with Patrick. He is going to be an wonderful father. I hope he gets that chance soon.

We went to Estes Park (where I worked at the YMCA of the Rockies one summer), to Boulder (where Craig and Mr. C. ran the Bolder Boulder 10K) and spent time tooling around Denver. When it was time to go, we were both beside ourselves and Mr. C. shed more than a few tears. We are so blessed to have Patrick as our godson and to have Heather, Craig, and Rocky as part of our family. Now we're back and we can't stop looking at all the photos! Here are a few for you to enjoy:

Update - We have a plan!!!

2009-05-15T12:33:00.002-04:00

I FINALLY had my follow-up appointment with the RE yesterday after my FET c/p in March and my RPL panel bloodwork. I am so impressed with my RE. There is a reason that he's one of the best! He had spent a long time reviewing our chart and previous history and had a plan ready for us.

He first went over our RPL results. Everything came back normal EXCEPT that I have heterozygous Factor V Leiden. It's a blood clotting issue that means my blood is more prone to forming clots. He says that he does NOT think it has anything to do with our three loses, though. Apparently it's a big debate in the IF world because 10% of the population have Factor V, but only .5-1% of people have repeat pregnancy loss, so it may or may not be related. He said that our treatment options are taking aspirin or H.eparin injections. He discourages H.eparin, though, because the risks outweigh the gains.

His main conclusion is that our problems are a result of poor egg quality. With an FSH of 11.4, I'm above normal, which could indicate egg quality issues. His goal with our next IVF will be to try and improve egg quality by using "softer" stimulation and by adding growth hormone, which recent studies have shown to improve quality. He is also swiching L.upron to GnRH antagonist which won't give me such extreme headaches. We're hoping to get fewer eggs of better quality. In the past, they've retrieved 23 eggs each time but only about 14 have been mature and 9 fertilized (both cycles were pretty similar), although in the first cycle, my embryos after day 3 had poor quality and poor morphology. So, if we can have fewer eggs that are better quality and more able to fertilize, plus take aspirin for the Factor V, then maybe this is a recipe that will work!

Mr. C and have had our hope restored a bit after hearing what our RE had to say. We're ready to move along with this next cycle (probably in July). Mr. C. is feeling positive and supports this new plan, so that makes me feel so good!

Mother's Day Angel Exchange

2009-05-10T11:58:00.002-04:00

Today is a difficult day for a lot of us. I can't help but have the thought creep in from the back of my mind that I've had two due dates come and go in the last year and I should be celebrating my motherhood today. BUT, I'm choosing not to dwell on my own situation, but instead focus on celebrating the amazing mother that I have been blessed with.

Speaking of amazing women, I am part of a group of strong, supportive ladies on the Trouble Trying to Conceive board on The Bump. They continually provide information, support, and cheerleading to anyone who is struggling with IF and I have found such comfort in their words. One of the ladies (Tarah) had a wonderful idea to make us all feel better on Mother's Day and organized an Angel Exchange. We drew names on Elfster and bought our secret pal a Willow Tree angel to open today.

I received two beautiful angels from Manda; Thinking of You and Angel of Wishes. They are beautiful and made this a happy day worthy of celebration. THANK YOU Manda!

Today is My Due Date - April Fool's

2009-04-01T09:03:00.002-04:00

Our son should have been born today. I guess the April Fool's joke is on me.

RPL Panel Results

2009-03-31T09:51:00.002-04:00

I just got the call from our nurse. All the tests came back with normal results. I am so upset. I guess I should be thankful that there is nothing wrong, but obviously, SOMETHING is not right with my body. I don't understand how we can go through every test in the book over the last 4 years and have normal results every single time. It can't have been a "fluke" that I've had 3 losses and that I can't get pregnant without IVF.

Maybe I should be looking at this in a more positive light and be thankful that I am healthy. Maybe it should give me more hope, knowing that our tests are normal. I just feel like we're left with so many more questions than answers.

We're meeting with the RE on April 22 (his first available appointment!) and we'll decide on our next steps. I just don't know where to go from here...I'm willing to try one more fresh cycle, but if it ends in another loss; that's it, I can't take anymore. I just feel beaten down.

Our Godson Patrick!

2009-03-24T15:10:00.017-04:00

Yes, I am alive! I've been a terrible blogger. I just needed a break from the IF scene and time to deal with everything. Thank you all so much for all your kind comments. It meant so much that all of you were thinking of us and giving us support. Mr. C and I had our blood drawn for the RPL (Repeat Pregnancy Loss) panel a couple of weeks ago and we are waiting for the results to come back before we move forward with another fresh cycle. I actually really hope they find something, even if it's bad. At least that would give us closure. I'll keep you posted.

In much happier and more exciting news, we finally got to meet our godson Patrick last weekend! (Check out his blog post about our visit!) His parents Heather (my first cousin) and Craig flew to the East coast from Colorado, along with Heather's dad (my uncle) from Washington. We all met at my parents' house in NC. Our grandmother also got to meet her great grandson for the first time. It was a wonderful family reunion and we had a blast! It was so wonderful for me to be with Patrick and to feel the joy of being around a baby. He was just the remedy for my sadness. Here are lots of photos from our time together.

Sweet Patrick.

Me holding Patrick.

Mr. C. and Patrick.

The cousins! Mr. C., me, Craig, and Heather.

The cutest smile ever!

The godparents.

Mr. C. posing with our furbabies.

A family photo in my parents' yard.

The third time is NOT a charm

2009-03-02T15:15:00.004-05:00

It's over. Another chemical pregnancy. My beta came back at 42 today. I'm stopping all meds and waiting for AF. I don't know if I can go through this again. Three losses are three too many. I'm in shock right now; not really feeling much of anything but silent dispair. I can't even cry.

Beta #1

2009-02-27T12:28:00.003-05:00

So it's 67. Not spectacular, but my dr. wants it to be at least 50, so I'll take it! Of course I was looking for a number that would hit it out of the park, but this one is higher than my last two IVFs, so I hope that means it's gonna stick! The nurse was excited when she called me and said that this was a "great first number". I am going to think positively and believe what she says. I go in Monday at 8:15 for Beta #2. Please pray for good doubling numbers!!!

I am feelin' the love!

2009-02-26T20:47:00.003-05:00

Wow! You all have overwhelmed me with your generous outpouring of support! I've said it many times before, but it makes me feel SO good to know that you all are out there thinking of me and celebrating with me! THANK YOU!

I hope we get good news tomorrow. My beta is at 8am. Since we've been here twice before, I'm terrified we'll have a repeat. I'm hoping, praying, begging, that this is it for us. PLEASE GOD, let it be.

Ummm, I think it worked.

2009-02-25T17:09:00.001-05:00

This happened yesterday. 'Nuf said.

Ann Taylor Loft, why have you forsaken me???

2009-02-24T14:24:00.003-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I love to shop at Ann Taylor Loft. (I love Ann Taylor, too, but my town's not cool enough to have one.) Anyway, I'm a petite flower and their clothes fit short me to a tee. So when I was a full time teacher, I worked at the Loft during the summers and sometimes a few hours a week during the year just to get the oh-so-amazing associate discount.

When I was working there (before ttc) I heard the rumor that they were going to start a maternity line. I was so excited and looked forward to the day when I would have a need for that line. Well, soon it came out, we started ttc, I stopped working there, and I was still so excited that when the time came, I'd have cute, comfy, well fitting maternity duds.

Fast forward to now. Still no baby. Still no pregnancy lasting long enough to need more than an occasional unbuttoning of the pants. Of course today, in a rare hopeful 2WW moment, I go to the Loft website to see what cute offerings they have in the maternity section. Imagine my horror when I realized that they have done away with their maternity line! It is no longer! SO not only has IF taken away my innocence, my money, and my life, it's taken away my ability to purchase Ann Taylor Loft maternity!!! F*#k you IF!

(PS...Can you tell I'm hormonal by my snarky tone?!)

I hate waiting!

2009-02-22T21:30:00.003-05:00

So, here I am, 4 days post transfer, and I'm going crazy! I go through moments when I'm sure it didn't work, then moments when I'm sure it did. I know by now that I can't read anything into any symptoms or lack thereof. I'm just really tired, constantly twingey/crampy (that started today), sore bbs (which I know is from the progesterone), and that's pretty much it. I'm ready to get back to work tomorrow and get my mind off this wondering. I'll let y'all know if anything else transpires. In the meantime, please continue to send up those good vibes for me!!

FET #1b is Complete!

2009-02-19T10:48:00.006-05:00

Everything went perfectly yesterday! Both of our embies thawed beautifully - a 4AA and a 4AB. After I heard that they were okay, I was SO much calmer! I had acupuncture in the transfer room for 20 minutes, then the RE came in and did the transfer. He said it went great and that he hopes it's twins! He also said they went to the exact right spot in my uterus, so they must be girls because they followed directions! Haha. Then everyone left the room and I had another 20 minutes of acupuncture. Then we were outta there!

Mr. C is now calling me "the incubator". I'm just chilling out in my bed catching up on reading and sleep. This is my favorite part! My beta is a week from tomorrow, Friday 2/27. Here are some photos from yesterday for your viewing pleasure.

These are our beautiful blasts! (Sorry, the black rectangle is blocking out my personal info.)

Here we are in the transfer room, all suited up and ready to get the show on the road!

Meditating during acupuncture (or as Mr. C calls it, "hole punching").

***UPDATE***

Mr. C. just made this silly cartoon with our blastocyst photos. He's so crazy! :)

FET Eve

2009-02-17T21:19:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow is the big day! My transfer is at 2:30. I'm excited, hopeful, and happy that today is my last day being NOT pregnant! Please send up prayers, good karma, sticky thoughts, good vibes, WHATEVER, for me tomorrow. I'll send out an update when I get home tomorrow night. Ttyl!

Thank you and I'm a dummy!

2009-02-13T11:41:00.002-05:00

Thank you SO much to all of you for your well wishes on my FET. You make me feel so good! I've said so many times that the online infertility community is the best support system in the world. I love knowing that there are people out there who I've never even met who are rooting for me!

In other news, I am a dummy. A lot of you commented that you found my blog through LFCA or L & F. What is that? Is it something that is so obvious that I will feel ridiculous when you tell me? My brain's not working, so help me out girls, and thanks for finding my blog and following my story!

My FET in ON!!

2009-02-11T17:36:00.003-05:00

I had my blood work and ultrasound this morning and all systems are go! My lining is at 7 and it was 5.9 at this point last cycle, so yippee! I'm crediting acupuncture. Hopefully it will get to around 8 by next week. My transfer will be at 2:30 next Wednesday, February 18th.

This morning when the nurse was talking to me, she calculated (on one of those wheel thingies) what my due date would be if this works. It's November 5th. Today at work I was drinking a bottle of water and happened to look at the expiration date printed on the bottle. It said November 5, 2009. A sign, perhaps?? (BTW, I didn't ask her to figure that out, she just whipped out the wheel and told me before I knew what was going on. I would probably prefer not to know, but oh, well.)

The best news of all is that tomorrow will be my last day taking L.upron! I am so excited to bid adieu to my headaches. Please say prayers that the third time will be a charm!

Headache Hell

2009-02-08T19:29:00.003-05:00

Yes, I am in headache hell. HELL! I'm sorry to complain, but I just have to get it off my chest (head, in this case). It's the L.upron. My head feels like it is going to explode 24/7. The only relief I get is on my acupuncture days. That's twice a week, so the other days are miserable. Also, caffeine helps a little. My heavy duty migraine pills don't touch it. It's so bad that my vision is now blurry. This morning in church I didn't sing because I couldn't focus on the words in the hymnal! I'm hoping that I only have to take the L.upron until the day before my transfer, so that would be a little over a week. Okay, enough of the complaining! If you're still with me, thanks.

Just for fun, here's a photo of me in the funny shirt I bought this week. It says, "Facebook. It's my day job." Hahaha. I love Facebook!

Funny Names Meme

2009-02-04T17:20:00.002-05:00

FET update - We have date! My transfer will be on Feb. 18th. I'm currently on L.upron, E.strace, and V.ivelle patches.

Here's a funny meme from F.acebook. I nominate all my readers to cut and paste this to your blog and fill in your own answers!

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.) Kelizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal) Yellow Dog

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number) Elizabeth Heathwood

5.YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Galkel

6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite
drink) Green Izze

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name). Elghcn

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names). Porter Davis

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets). Black Dunkin

10. YOUR HOOD NAME:....first 3 of your first name and add -iqua.... Keliqua

The Yellow Room is Complete! (almost)

2009-01-24T11:29:00.006-05:00

First, thank you SO much to all of you for your comments, thoughts, and prayers about my canceled FET. It means a lot to me to have such a wonderful support system. And you all are
right - Mr. C is a wonderful husband!

So the actual yellow room in our house is empty no more! The only thing we're missing is a rug (the one in the photos is just a little throw rug...not permanent) and pictures on the walls, which are in progress. I love the room now because it is bright and sunny and looks so cheerful. It's not depressing to walk by it anymore. It will be an easy transition to a nursery, too. We'll just add a crib and make the bureau into a changing table. Voila!

FET Update: I'm currently on L.upron, or "Loopy-ron" as I like to call it since it makes me a bit loopy. I'm also finishing up my 10 day dose of P.rovera tomorrow and am expecting AF in the next few days. When that happens, I'll start back on the E.strace and V.ivelle patches. Thanks for all the good vibes - I need them!

Here are some yellow room photos:

My FET is cancelled! :( :( :(

2009-01-16T19:08:00.002-05:00

Oh, the drama. So my FET was pushed back a week after my monitoring visit last Friday when my lining was only 5.9. I went back today hoping for big numbers and only got a 6.4. Boo. I talked to my acupuncturist today and he assured me that he could work miracles and get me to at least 8 by Wednesday, Jan. 28th, the rescheduled FET date. Anyway, this afternoon my RE called (I knew it was going to be bad news since he was the big man himself and not the nurse). He said that while my lining was on the thin side, it was okay. The big problem is that my P4 rose to 3 today which is not good. Apparently that means I was not sufficiently suppressed and am going to ovulate. Dumb bodily functions! Anyway, he said we'd have to cancel this cycle and try again.

SO, tonight I start a 10 day prescription of P.rovera. Tomorrow I will start L.upron injections. After AF comes (when I stop the Provera) I'll start higher doses of E.strace and V.ivelle patches, as well as acupuncture twice a week. I'm glad we've got a plan. I'm frustrated that I essentially went through a whole cycle without making it to the transfer, but I'm glad we know how to fix the problem and can get right back at it.

Mr. C. is so sweet. He knows that I am disappointed (he is, too) so he planned a trip to Charleston for us tomorrow! (If you read my blog then you know that we LOVE Charleston!) It'll be cold, but a good distraction. Please send good FET vibes my way for this next attempt!

Blogging = New Friends!

2009-01-13T11:22:00.003-05:00

Blogging is a great way to vent and to share my feelings, but it's also led to a wonderful new friend for me! Through The Yellow Room, I met a fellow blogger that shares a very similar IF story. Hollie was the first person to ever comment on my blog and we quickly discovered that we had a lot in common! Soon we were emailing and talking on the phone, and for Christmas, Mr. C. gave me a plane ticket to go visit Hollie and her DH! I went this past weekend and stayed at their house. It is so amazing to be able to talk to someone who knows exactly what you are going through. That is the beauty of blogging. We're this community of women who can relate to each other's struggles while supporting and celebrating with each other during the journey. Thank you to everyone for reading my blog and for supporting me along the way. Thanks especially to Hollie and her DH for being wonderful new friends!

(FET Update: I went for my ultrasound last Friday. My lining was only 5.9...too thin to go ahead with our scheduled Jan. 16th transfer. SO, it is postponed for a week. I am now on V.ivelle patches in addition to the E.strace in hopes that things will fluff up. I'm also going to acupuncture twice this week to see if that helps. I haven't been going this cycle, but since my lining was almost twice as thick last IVF and I did go to acupuncture, I now believe in the difference it can make! I have another ultrasound this Friday so I'll report back after it's done.)

2009-01-06T09:18:00.001-05:00

Thank you to Chelle over at "Our Life in a Nut Chelle" for this award! I am proud to speak out about infertility and I love my blogging community of fellow girls in the same boat. I think all of the below comments apply to me and to most of you...it's nice to know we are not alone in this struggle.

If you could make a little house from used pee sticks and OPKs.

If you talk in TTC acronyms nobody except people on the internet understand.

If you have ever been stuck with any needles in order to achieve pregnancy.

If you have had to stick yourself, or your husband has had to turn into your nurse in order to do it for you.

If you've ever seen a blank ultrasound screen.

If you know what a dildocam is.

If you have ever gotten shower invites, family photos, or birth announcements in the mail and had a good cry.

If you have watched someone go through an entire cycle of pregnancy in the time it took you to even try (make that 2 or 3 pregnancies!!!).

If you have ever heard "just relax" or "it's not your time" or "it's God's will".

If you dread holidays because you cannot announce a pregnancy to your family.

If you dread holidays because there are no children to share them with.

If you have ever held a baby or child and quietly pretended for a second that they're yours.

If you have ever walked around the store in order to avoid the baby/toddler section.

If you cannot park in the front spots of a store because they are for pregnant and expectant
mothers only.

If you've ever had to go IN the baby/toddler section of a store in order to buy something for someone else's baby.

If you've ever yelled out during watching a movie or tv show about someone who's trying for a baby, "That's SO not realistic!".

If you've ever sat around with a group of women who shared birth stories and labor pains and felt like you didn't fit in.

If you've ever told anyone you are infertile and they're response was, "That sucks. I'm super fertile! I can have all the kids I want!".

If a fertile person ever told you that they would be your surrogate because they have no problem getting pregnant.

If you have ever gotten a shower invite through email while sitting at work trying to forget about TTC.

If you know what an RE is.

If you have ever graphed out your cycle on chart paper.

If you have ever checked to see if your cervical mucus was eggwhite or clear, or could stretch 5 inches between your fingers and you know people in the next stall over are thinking, "WTF is she doing in there?".

If you were disappointed that you couldn't find any.

If you have kept a HPT or OPK in your purse to use when you were at work or out just in case.

If you laugh when people tell you to use pillows under your butt after sex.

If you have picked out crib bedding or nursery decor online and you're not pregnant.

If you have ever felt panic when seeing a pregnant lady.

If you meet the criteria above, or you'd like to submit your own, please post the following award on your blog. This is for all of the women who will no longer be silent about their infertility. This is to remind you that you do not need to be ashamed and you are definitely not alone. This is to remind you to speak up the next time someone gives you fertility assvice. I nominate all my blog readers for this award. We are survivors!

Happy 2009!

2009-01-05T10:31:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I'm so glad it's a new year and I have so much hope that 2009 will be a good year for me. It's a fresh start and I look forward to the good things that will happen this year. It can only be better than 2008, right?

I've been a bad blogger! I really haven't had anything exciting to say, though. On the FET front, I'm taking my Estrac.e and gearing up for a monitoring appointment on Friday. From there, the RE will decide if January 16th is still the big day. Come on, thick lining! This cycle seems incredibly easy compared to a fresh ivf. I'm hardly even thinking about it! My only complaint is that I have massive headaches every night. Not sure what that's all about. I'm trying to not make a big deal out of this FET, to not let it interfere with my everyday life, and to not get my hopes up. Whatever happens, happens, and I will be able to handle it.

On another note, I saw "Marley and Me" last night. **SPOILER ALERT:** The main character has a miscarriage. It was so hard to see them go to the OB and sit on the table for their first ultrasound with all the excitement and anticipation of seeing their baby and the heartbeat, and be disappointed. The baby didn't have a heartbeat. The emotions of that, coupled with the emotions of the dog storyline made it a total sobfest! Great movie, though. Just bring a box of tissues if you go see it.

Today is my Due Date from IVF #1

2008-12-22T11:39:00.003-05:00

Today should be the happiest day of my life. I should be filled with the excitement and anticipation of meeting my baby today. Today I should be called mother. Instead, I am empty.

Sono Today

2008-12-18T13:30:00.002-05:00

I had my sonohystogram this morning. I was dreading it, but I didn't cramp nearly as much this time. I guess the 3rd times a charm. Let's hope that logic holds up for IVF transfers, too! Our RPL panel results have not come back yet, so hopefully in the next couple of weeks we'll hear some answers. We turned in our FET consent form today, so I guess there's no turning back!

I finish my BCPs next week and begin Estrace. Anybody taken that before? Any funky side effects? Then I have one ultrasound, begin progesterone, then the transfer on January 16th. The good news is that I don't have to do PIO shots! Woohoo! It's all suppositories. Messy, but I'll take them over IM shots any day!